UPDATED 4X: Guaranteed!

UPDATE IV: Hah! All the bidders have now guaranteed our jobs, so there, you're still stuck with me! Of course, if could be for the minimum wage, but it is "guaranteed."

WEDNESDAY UPDATE: It's good to know that clear heads are deciding your fate:

The bankruptcy auction for ownership of the Inquirer, Philadelphia Daily News, and Philly.com began at 3:45 a.m. today, nearly 17 hours after three groups vying for them first gathered in a law office in midtown Manhattan.

As of 6:30 a.m., the groups had gone through three rounds of bidding to own Philadelphia Newspapers L.L.C., the newspapers' parent company.

UPDATE: Apparently the auction, just like tonight's Phillies' game, is taking place on Pacific time, which may be an edge to the bidders from western Canada. We'll have results just as soon as they're available...any day now, any day.

UPDATE II: Here it is -- your moment of zen:

NEW YORK - The question of who will own Philadelphia Newspapers L.L.C., parent company of The Inquirer, the Philadelphia Daily News, and Philly.com, remained unanswered Tuesday night as lawyers, financial advisers, and three sets of potential buyers huddled in the warrens of a New York City law firm, struggling to conduct a bankruptcy auction.

The auction had been set to start at 11 a.m. Tuesday at the offices of Proskauer Rose, one of two law firms representing Philadelphia Newspapers.

But as of 10 p.m., reports from the closed session were that all sides were still wrangling over issues pertaining to the bids submitted Friday, and that the actual auction had yet to begin.