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The man who singlehandedly ended the ISIS threat

CNN: ""ISIS?' We meant to say 'Ebola.'"

Since they've almost run out of U.S. Democratic presidential candidates to give the Nobel Peace Prize to, I'm assuming the award this year will be going to the one man who's shown a remarkable capacity to bring war to an end.

That would be CNN's Jeff Zucker.

It was just last week that I was practically hiding under my bed, so terrified by the threat to America posed by the Islamic militant ISIS. They were worse than al-Qaeda, they were planning to attack the United States any second, and sheriffs were getting ready to stop them from walking across the desert from Mexico, which apparently shares a border with both the United States and with Syria.

Today, the threat was over. I walked past the newsroom TV that carries CNN, and there was not one word about ISIS. Indeed, the ISIS threat was eliminated to the point where the cable news network could instead provide non-stop coverage of the Ebola threat! OK, I was still under the bed, but as long as I washed the sheets in bleach I was OK, right?

There is nothing that CNN's Jeff Zucker can't accomplish. Earlier this summer, he also resolved the "crisis" of Honduran kids coming across the Southern border. When's the last you even heard about THAT problem. Thank you, Jeff.

Have a great Ebola-free weekend.