D.C. shocker: U.S. senator needs water to live!

Hey, remember that time when Abraham Lincoln went to Gettysburg to make a speech, and the wind blew that giant top hat right off his head! I don't really know what he said that day, but the thing with the hat was hysterical. It was almost as funny as that time that FDR went before a joint session of Congress in December 1941 -- and hacked up a giant loogey.

OK, as far as I know those things didn't actually happen, but if they had -- AND if our modern day rogue's gallery of Beltway reporters, Twitterati and the blogatariat had been covering them, the world might never know about a nation dedicated to the principle that all men are created equal, or that December 7, 1941 was a day of infamy.

Last night I was anointed by the folks who sign my paycheck as Senior Christopher Dorner Reporter, so I didn't get a chance to see Sen. Marco Rubio's rebuttal to President Obama's State of the Unioin address. I was mildly interested in what he had to say, though. And now I know the big takeaway.

When Marco Rubio gets thirsty, he needs water.

Look, I get it. I get that a) no one wants to go back to the dry (no pun intended)  reporting style of the 1950s and b) sometimes a moment or a gesture can reveal a broader truth that's otherwise hard to express, like in this case how a man who probably wants to be president in 2017 looked a little nervous and not-ready-for-prime-time, leading up to the oh-so-dramatic water grasp and c) in the Twitter age, these are the things people talk about first on Twitter and then at the (IRONY ALERT) water cooler. And, hey, I like cracking political jokes, and reading them, as much as the next guy -- check out my Twitter feed, which is serious maybe 20 percent of the time, if that much.

But that's the headline? Seriously, world? Water?

From what I've read, there was plenty from Rubio's speech to go after that had a lot higher calorie value -- from the fact that his new-look Republicanism was really just warmed over Romney talking points to his history of climate-change denialism.

But who wants to be a party pooper? Carry on, everyone. Don't drink too much.