Breaking news: Pope announces that he is a Catholic

Let it be hereby noted that this date -- Jan. 11, 2010 -- shall ever be remembered as the day of the least surprising news headlines in American history!

Let's review:

Mark McGwire took steroids!

Sarah Palin is joining Fox News!

Arlene Ackerman is firing people for no reason!

Harry Reid is being a doofus, and the Republicans are ginning up phony outrage about it!

Donovan McNabb said something that angered WIP listeners! (Tomorrow it will be Andy Reid...they take turns, you know!)

The 76ers los...oh, wait, that won't happen for a few hours!

Please, someone, tell me something I didn't know!