Rush Limbaugh, sports mogul
What if Rush owned the Rams and broadcast his own games?
Rush Limbaugh, sports mogul
Dick Polman, Inquirer National Political Columnist
In the wee small hours of the morning, in a palatial Florida manse, a prospective National Football League owner is dreaming fitfully about the future (sometimes in his own actual words)....
"Afternoon, folks, I'm Rush Limbaugh, and welcome to today's game featuring my very own St. Louis Rams. Soon to be renamed the Rushes. We're on the road today, in one of those godforsaken un-American cities, whose team is called the Eagles, which is just outrageous when you think about it, appropriating a patriotic icon like the American eagle, in a city that went belly up for the Messiah in the last election, I look around this stadium and I swear there are socialists up and down the aisles, like one of those newsreels of the crowd in Red Square - "
"Rush, can I interrupt?"
"Oh, mercy, where are my manners. Folks, I may have taken over the broadcasting duties for the Rushes, but not even I can do it alone. So I'm joined today by my color commentator, Sean Hannity. Sean, you wanna set the stage for today's tilt? I know my guys are pumped up, ready to prove that an all-white squad can win big even with the liberal media against it."
"It's clear and cold here in Philly, Rush, 22 degrees at game time, and don't you think that must drive the global-warming alarmists crazy?"
"Absolutely, those extremists are no better than the Taliban and Iran, because - oh wait, sorry, folks, we've been talking so much we missed the kickoff. Eagles start from their own 35. The snap to Donovan McNabb. Fakes left, rolls right, throws...oh for pete's sake, it's complete to Brian Westbrook for a pickup of nine. Bet the media will make a real big deal out of that one. It's like how they root for Obama. Obama, McNabb, Westbrook, whoever, the media is very desirous that we all feel guilty for slavery. You see a pattern here, folks? Liberal sellouts. Liberal sellouts have an affirmative action advantage in this league - "
"Rush? Excuse me, but you missed the next play. 56 yard TD, McNabb to Sean DeJackson."
"Or maybe it's DeSean Jackson, what difference does it make, a name like that. Just lookit the way they're all prancing around the end zone, disgusting, it's like the Crips and the Bloods. Folks, these minority players never have to do anything for which they have to apologize, and it's high time we called them out on this, instead of having our testicles locked up in a testicle lockbox - "
"Rush?"
" - and it's just a joke. It is a joke. We have a swine flu epidemic, we're bombing the hell out of the moon, our dollar is worthless, the Messiah is designing our cars, the whole world would like to put a nuclear missile up our rectum, and my guys got the media against them because, folks, you know, if 100 percent of the players in the National Football League were black, the media would still treat them as though they just escaped bondage and, in fact, are still in it - "
"Excuse me, Rush. Remember the game? The Eagles just kicked off to our guys - "
"Well, that's mighty white of them."
" - but, well, look for yourself. We fumbled at the 20, and the Eagles just ran it in for a touchdown."
"Oh my golly gosh, will you look at that. No way I'm going to sit here all day and get bitch-slapped upside the head. I'm colorblind, and I treat everybody equally, but this is too much. Folks, this is too much. Sean, let's look ahead to next week. We at least gonna be playing somewhere in real America?"
"Rush, we play the Bears. We're going to Chicago, and...Hey, Rush, you OK? You don't look so good."
"Who draws up this schedule, Karl Marx? Folks, these schedulers are like agents of the nanny state, little nannies who want to control every aspect of all of our lives, and I'm not in that game. No way my guys are taking the field in Chicago. They can have the Olympics before they can have us. I'll play in Kenya before I play in the Messiah's backyard, because, folks, this is an issue of freedom and liberty, and next thing you know they'll make us have flu shots, bunch of busybody people - and hey, look at McNabb down there on the sidelines, smiling like he actually earned it, golly, that irritates the hell out of me. Anybody here got any OxyContin?"
First of all, cuttermccool acknowledges he never listens to Rush, so I guess he is unaware that Rush has lost 85 pounds on a diet and exercise program. Maybe he should have seen the interview on the Today show. Second, Rush never said anything about slavery or bondage as it relates to the NFL. Maybe Polman should have seen Stephen A Smith on CNN. This satire is okay, but perhaps we should get CNN to factcheck it like they did the Saturday Night Live skit.— tom - wilmington, de
How interesting the reaction by the black community on this issue. I love it in today’s PC world how blacks can live the double standard. Having cart blanc to say whatever you want without repercussions must be a nice thing. God forbid a white person publicly speaks their mind. I’m not a Rush fan but I got to give him props for keeping it “real.”— delcodanno- Swedesboromike: What's REALLY sad is Limbaugh is all the leadership that the right/GOP has to offer.— AHiredGun
Comment removed.- It's all a sham to make loads of money. Rush, Hannity, Beck, Olberman, Scuhltz etc. They fire up their audience with red meat. And, like lemmings going over a cliff, they buy it hook, line, and sinker. In reality, it'a all abut the benjamins for these guys. They laugh all the way to the bank.— Mark1
- Once again Rush never made that comment about slavery. If he did, then please, phillyhoodlum, provide the source. I am sure if you know he made that statement than you know the source. As for repercussions for statements, you have people like Al Sharpton, author of the Tawana Brawley hoax, calling other people racist and saying they should not achieve certain things based on past statements. Show me when Sharpton was ever held back from anything, or even offered an apology, for the Tawana Brawley incident, which destroyed some good people's lives and reputations.— tom - wilmington, de
- From Fox News "In an unannounced move, President Obama is dispatching up to 15,000 additional U.S. troops to Afghanistan beyond the 21,000 he announced in March. The additional troops are primarily support forces -- such as engineers, medical personnel, intelligence experts and military police. A Washington Post report published Tuesday said Obama dispatched 13,000 additional troops, but an unnamed defense official familiar with the process told Fox News that the number is closer to 15,000." CBS also reported the story, but they had the number pegged at 13,000.— tom - wilmington, de
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- longshanks, thanks for keeping the debate civil. So glad you are not like all those wingnuts at those town hall meetings who just spouted hate speech and vile disgusting comments. Civility is the hallmark of liberalism, and you display it proudly.— tom - wilmington, de
- Comment removed.
- This Baucus healthcare bill is bad news. It is full of gimmicks, accounting tricks, and giveaways. It should not pass, but it will. Funny how on the date this is voted on in committee Polman writes about Rush Limbaugh wanting to buy an NFL team, like this is of paramount importance to the nation.— tom - wilmington, de
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Hmm big decision Limbaugh , or Jackson and Sharpton . Longshanks , your still trying to crawl out of the bottom of the pond I see , keep trying dude , keep trying hopefully by the end of the year you will have the IQ of a turtle . Narcissist good name , suits you .— PAEnglish- There are no liberals listening to Dimbulb. We understands that he constantly lies because that's what his listerners want to hear. I don't take issue with someone saying what his listeners want to hear. I just don't get why his listeners want to hear his bs. You'd think that there are no legitimate conservatives. Only the wacko fringe. But there's no way he'll ever be an owner of an NFL team. Too much money at stake to take that risks. But if he did, they wouldn't be called the Rush. They'd be an all white team in all white uniforms and they'd be called the Klan.— MikeP
- Comment removed.
Cited by the Columbia Journalism Review as one of the nation's top political reporters, and lauded by the ABC News political website as "one of the finest political journalists of his generation," Dick Polman is a national political columnist at the Philadelphia Inquirer. He is on the full-time faculty at the University of Pennsylvania, as "writer in residence." Dick has been a frequent guest on C-Span, MSNBC, CNN, NPR and the BBC. He covered the 1992, 1996, 2000, and 2004 presidential campaigns.
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