Giving Our heroes are going, going. . .

Khruschev was partially right. The Soviets didn't bury us. But the world's athletes are doing a pretty good job of it.

The 111th U.S. Open concluded Sunday, and the performance of its American participants was as unsightly as Ricky Fowler's outfits. A golfer from Northern Ireland won for the second straight year. A Korean was second. Only two Americans, Robert Garrigus and Kevin Chappell, finished in the top 10. And anyone who expects either of those obscurities to spark a U.S. golf revival is as delusional as Rick Santorum's campaign donors.

U.S. tennis players - how many can you identify who aren't named Williams? - can expect the same mistreatment at Wimbledon this fortnight. We can't beat the Euros in soccer. Our historic advantage in basketball continues to dissipate. The Latins and Japanese are chipping away in baseball. And the only reason we're No. 1 in football is because nobody else plays or cares.

So what happened? Why has blue become the dominant color for red-white-and-blue sports? Is this trend merely cyclical? Or is there something more disturbing at work?

I have my theories on potential culprits:

The "American Idol" syndrome: Think of all the sports talents wasting their lives and cell phone batteries in line at American Idol auditions. Think of all the potential athletes who surrender their pride and manhood each time they don sequins and tap shoes on Dancing with the Stars. Yes, America's Got Talent. It's just the wrong kind.

Once we aspired to be engineers, entrepreneurs and sports heroes. Now we're happy to sing, dance and humiliate ourselves on television. A generation of Thomas Edisons and Tom Bradys is being lost in the mad rush to find the next Tommy Tune.

Am I missing something here? Is there some great national need to populate chorus lines and choirs?

Texting: Until somebody devises a sport that requires thumb dexterity, bad grammar and emoticons, we're doomed to be athletic also-rans. Who has time to develop physical skills when we're spending hours asking each other what we had for lunch, who we're hanging out with and what we're wearing. LOL :)

Over-organized sports: Travel teams. AAU teams. Personal trainers. Personal coaches. Pushy parents. Those few American kids who do make it through the cultural gauntlet and actually find a sport they like are usually so oversaturated by the time they hit 18 that they're ready to retire. Your Honor, I offer Elena Delle Donna as Exhibit A.

The X-games factor: While their European and Asian counterparts are golfing or playing tennis, millions of American youngsters are trapped in perpetual pre-adolescence, performing Jackass stunts on skateboards, snowboards and outboards. They're more likely to be killed or chased than win the U.S. Open.

ESPN: I'm not really sure how the uber-sports network has contributed to the demise of American sports, but any enterprise that has employed Chris Berman for more than 30 years has to shoulder some of the blame.

Dwayne Wade and LeBron James not only wanted to play on the same NBA team, but they recently traveled to Italy together for a vacation.

Wonder if when they get back, their mommies will let them have a sleepover?

1. USGA concessions are far more reasonable than those at an average Phillies game - $2.50 for bottled water, $6.50 for a fat bratwurst and sauerkraut.

2. The last Open I attended was at Merion in '81. Much has changed. The balls go farther but not my legs. The golfers are stronger and more flexible, but I'm not. The galleries are much thicker, and I am too.

3. Ricky Fowler has groupies but apparently not a mirror.

4. Great courses like Congressional, even at 7,500 yards, have been rendered obsolete by needless equipment upgrades. When guys are hitting driver-six iron on 500-plus-yard holes, something's amiss.

5. Only one golfer in the entire field – England's Robert Rock – didn't wear a hat.

Another excerpt from those Hemingway-esque fan writers at Yahoo Sports.

"And amidst all of this, and all the available individuals who were linked to the Eagles as potential suitors to fill those voids quickly being signed elsewhere, Andy Reid is on vacation of all places, enjoying the sun."

And here's my favorite Yahoo Sports headline and lede last week:

"Kaiserlautern Striker Injured in Fall from Tree"

"Kaiserlautern, Germany (AP) – Bundesliga club Kaiserlautern says striker Adam Menec will be out of action for three months as he recovers from injuries suffered when he fell out of a cherry tree."

Asked what he was doing in a cherry tree, Menec said he'd read on the Internet that George Washington could strike again.

My four favorite names for 2011 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series races:

1. The Helluva Good Sour Cream Dip 400. The winner gets his cholesterol screened

2. The Goody's Fast Relief 500. Wouldn't a 400-miler provide even faster relief?

3. The Aaron's 499. Would it kill them to add one more mile?

4. The Coke Zero 400. Sounds like a toll-free number.

- Frank FitzpatrickEndText