Every team needs a stopper - especially the Phils. Unfortunately, since June 10, Cole Hamels hasn't pitched like the club's ace. He's 0-3 with a 6.14 ERA over that stretch, and the Phils have just one win in the last five games he's started. Jimmy Rollins' struggles have been much discussed. Is it time we start worrying about Hamels, too?

One more thing to worry about: Starting today, I'm on vacation. That means Robert Ford will be Talkin' Team Leader for the next week. Good luck, Jimmy. Make sure he takes his naps. Buttons tends to get cranky without one.

From: Ford, Bob

To: Gonzalez, John; Salisbury,

James T.

Subject: Hamels

Actually, we're renaming the page Jimmy-O, and Salisbury is taking over. All Rhode Island all the time. They're telling you it's vacation, but you're out, buddy boy.

And, it's time for concern about Hamels. Three more bad starts and it's time to really worry.

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Salisbury, James T.

Subject: Hamels

Concern sounds right. For now. Three more poor starts and it won't be time to worry, it'll be time to pass out paper bags to the entire city because everyone will be hyperventilating.

Re: vacation. You have it all wrong, Bob. (What else is new?) I informed the Inquirer brass that I'm taking a leave of absence to start my crab-fishing career. I've been watching Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel lately. That gig seems as if it's a lot more fun (and more lucrative) than what I'm doing now.  

From: Ford, Bob

To: Gonzalez, John; Salisbury,

James T.

Subject: Hamels

Crab fishing? Where I come from crabbing is called crabbing. You'll be eaten alive. And speaking of worrisome pitching, is Eaton alive?

From: Salisbury, James T.

To: Ford, Bob; Gonzalez, John

Subject: Hamels

It's crabbing, doofus. Even an old quahoger like me knows that. As for the Phils and Hamels - the sky is definitely falling. Or at least that's what Cohen tells me. . . .

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Salisbury, James T.

Subject: Hamels

I suspect the two of you hail from a town called Ignorance. They don't call it crabbing on the show. They call it crab fishing or just fishing. I didn't make up the term. Guys who have spent the last 30 years catching crab in the Bering Sea did. Take it up with them.

Hamels better snap out of it. There's no way they win the division with him pitching this way. And never mention Adam Eaton again.

If I don't come back, it's been real.