The Andy Griffith Show without Barney.

Julia Roberts without teeth.

The Red Sox without Fenway Park.

The Yankees without pinstripes.

Allen Iverson without an entourage.

The Sunday comics without Doonesbury.

The NFL without gambling.

The NHL without fighting.

The Summer Olympics without track and field.

Boxing without Muhammad Ali.

Muhammad Ali without a voice.

NASCAR without the beer.

Rocky without the music.

Babe Ruth without the foibles.

A cheesesteak without the Philly roll.

Larry Brown without the wanderlust.

Wrigley Field without the ivy.

Joe Paterno without the glasses.

A Woody Allen movie without New York.

The Masters without the azaleas.

Market Street without Wanamaker's and Strawbridge's.

A movie theater without the high-back, rocker seats.

Wimbledon without the grass.

Tennis without Anna Kournikova.

NBA inflation. Sonics owner Clay Bennett, a guy who gives sleazy snake-oil salesmen a bad name, agreed to pay Seattle $45 million just to get out of his lease, clearing the way for that team's move to Oklahoma City.

That was $44,375,000 more than Eddie Gottlieb got for the entire Warriors franchise when that Philadelphia team was moved to San Francisco in 1962.

NASCAR note of the week. Here's an idea that has disaster written all over it: Some Nascar fans devised a house-swapping concept called "Home for the Races."

Say you're a fan in Pennsylvania, and, for reasons that escape me, you want to go to a race in Talladega.

Well, you'd let an Alabaman stay with you on a Pocono Raceway weekend, provided you had adequate insurance, plenty of ice, and a police force at your disposal.

Then, when the scene shifts to Talladega, he'd clear out a corner of the log cabin for you.

Rays updates. A couple of items from the Web site of the AL East-leading Tampa Bay Rays:

1. "Raysmania Takes Hold at the Trop," screamed a Web site headline.

Mania?

For Game 3 of a fascinating grudge series with Boston, one the entire nation was paying attention to, the first-place Rays could attract only 36,048 fans to 45,000-seat Tropicana Field. There were 31,112 present for Game 2.

2. I'm now certain the Internet is here to stay.

Tampa Bay coach Don Zimmer, a cultural troglodyte who is so old-school baseball he makes Connie Mack look revolutionary, will participate in an online chat with fans.

Five annoying people

1. The Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman. She uses more cliches than Chase Utley uses pomade.

2. Barry Melrose. Speaking of pomade.

3. David Stern. Smart, but embodies the word arrogant.

4. Bill O'Reilly. Arrogant, but doesn't embody the world smart.

5. Pat Riley. Speaking of arrogant and pomade.