Even when he was a little boy, the Roman Catholic notion of sin made Jimmy Calvarese "deathly afraid of church."

Now at age 20, as the Drexel University sophomore and Powelton Village resident explores the subtleties of Eastern mysticism, he belongs to no religion.

"My church was beautiful. I loved the music. I loved the rituals of Christmas and Easter, and all the stories," he said. But when the nuns of his suburban parish introduced him at age 7 to the sacrament of confession, "I felt there was more fear than love" to Catholicism.

"This idea that if you sin, you're going to hell, and it's a horrible place for all eternity, contradicted that whole idea that God loves everyone, that Jesus loves you," he said.

Even when his "sins" consisted of hitting his little brother, Calvarese found confession "nerve-wracking," and even more awkward as a teenager. By high school he was no longer joining his parents for Sunday Mass.

But the real break came about two years ago, when Calvarese discovered why he no longer saw one of his grown-up relatives at holidays. The relative was gay and had finally come out to Calvarese's parents - devout Catholics who, he said, went to Mass "seven days a week."

"Basically, they disowned him. ... He wasn't invited to family functions anymore."

Although he said the Catholic Church is right to encourage people to live good lives, Calvarese rejects the concept of sin because he has seen how it isolated him from God and "rifted" his family.

"I live my own life by my own morals," he said.

He no longer believes in the "ultimate creator God" of the Bible, he added. Jesus was a "great role model" but "not the son of that God."

Calvarese reads about mysticism, mostly of the eastern variety, and believes "in the oneness of the universe."

- David O'Reilly