"I'll be there with my wife." I told my class. Then I added, "And I will be bringing my yard stick and squirt bottle."

"Why?" they asked. "To keep you separated and hosed down, of course," I replied.

It used to be said years ago that there needed to be enough room between dancers for the Holy Spirit. Now the only spirit present is that of Dionysus, that wild and crazy figure of Greek mythology, and the pounding beat of Mariah Carey's song, "Touch My Body."

As a teacher, I stay in tune with the latest music, fashions, and hand greetings (well, at least the polite ones). What I am not in concert with is the latest trend of what can only be called simulated-sex dancing and "down the Shore" unsupervised parties.

Students' behavior on the dance floor is something that every chaperone talks about: the girl who dances with three guys grinding her from behind; the girl who dances with her hands on the floor; the girl who never sees the face of her date while they dance. It's become our version of Girls Gone Wild.

As chaperones we do the best we can to keep order, but there are so many of them and so few of us. Anyway, we're relics of a lost civility. Our censure means nothing against the latest avalanche of popular youth culture.

For the modern, post-feminist woman, it seems perfectly OK to be objectified as a faceless body. Look at the videos. Listen to the songs. Women are valued simply as aesthetic decoration for the amusement of men - and many of these women are super-smart and college-bound.

In a way I feel like Nick Carraway, the narrator of The Great Gatsby, an observer of immoral behavior that had become normalized in the 1920s, or like the fading eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg on a billboard in that novel, weeping over a moral wasteland. I have allegiance to my students, a bond that makes me feel as if I'm betraying their trust by reporting what I see and hear on the dance floor and in the hallways. But I also feel the parental need to protect them, a need that many parents have forfeited.

Why have parents tacitly condoned this behavior? Is it because they're trying to stay young and with it? (Forty is the new 30, we're told.) Is it because being the child's "best friend" does not enable them to make the rules, to set the tone and tenor of morality? Of course, their sons and daughters will soon be adults, but they're not there yet.

Some parents seem to think if teenagers are going to have sex and drink heavily anyway, why not give them the keys to the Shore house and the liquor cabinet? That's wrong.

Not every high school student is like this. There are many kids who attend a mostly wholesome all-nighter that has parental supervision. They will not have to fear getting drunk, being forced to have sex, picking up a sexually transmitted disease, or making other poor decisions due to drugs and alcohol.

Teens feel pressured to go along to get along, so parents need to be the ones saying loud and clear, "I'm not OK with this." It may actually be what their kids want to hear - even if they don't realize it yet.

I know many parents "trust" their children. Accepted psychology tells us, however, that it's difficult to remain the odd woman or man out while Bacchus rages.

If we lead youth correctly from the start, they will still feel our gravitational pull in later years. It will help them lead fulfilling, sexually healthy lives. That center, the parent, needs to hold, or they will be lost.