My husband said last Saturday, "There's a story in the newspaper about an elementary school that is training students to understand why a little boy there now wears girls' clothes and answers to a girl's name."

"Where is the school?" I asked. "California?"

Not hardly. The public school system that is assisting a child and his parents in their request to help the third grader make a "social transition" from boyhood to girlhood is Chatham Park Elementary School in Havertown. Our three children, now in their 20s, received good educations at this pleasant place within the Haverford Township School District.

Two of Chatham Park's current leaders, principal Dan Marsella and guidance counselor Catherine Mallam, were there during our daughters' and son's time at the school. Then, Marsella and Mallam introduced student programs that pleased both children and parents.

One, "The Care Award," became a coveted honor among students. Each month youngsters were chosen from every class and recognized by Marsella for being kind to other students. Another effective program involving conflict mediation was also initiated. Mallam chose and trained older pupils to be "conflict mediators" who patrolled the school's playground during lunch periods in order to peacefully settle disputes among their younger schoolmates.

While leadership at Chatham remains the same, the complexity of the issues that educators face today sure has changed.

In responding to his parents' request to assist in the 9-year-old boy's transition to being a girl, Haverford School District officials first checked with experts on transgenderism. Next, Marsella sent a letter to parents explaining that a transgender child's biological gender differs from his or her gender identity. The letter, dated April 21, also informed parents that their third graders would be meeting with Mallam two days later for counseling concerning one of their classmates who needed their help as he changed from being a boy to being a girl. Assurances were made that the lesson's language would be age appropriate.

What were these dedicated, seasoned educators thinking? How did adults who previously created excellent school programs come up with this solution?

Indeed, compassion for a child in the midst of an identity crisis, and consideration of his parents' concerns, is an appropriate response. Consideration for the feelings of the other children and their parents would also have been appropriate.

Surely Marsella, Mallam and district officials realize that informing fathers and mothers that within days their 8- and 9-year-olds will learn about being transgendered is a conflict waiting to happen. Introduction of sexual abuse prevention programs over the years should have taught these educators that most parents like to have a say in all aspects of their children's sexual education - particularly one that could be controversial.

Before any decision was made about the introduction of transgender sensitivity sessions for elementary school pupils at Chatham, conflict prevention could have come in the form of a parents' meeting with a psychologist on hand to answer questions. Questions abound in a complicated issue such as trangenderism, especially involving young children.

My heart goes out to the little boy and his parents, whose private struggles with a difficult, divisive issue have become so public. Far be it from me to tell any mother or father how to raise her or his child or how to respond to a family crisis. Still, I wonder if they ever considered home schooling for their youngster's sake.

There's only one thing that I can do for the child from Chatham. It's something that the principal, the guidance counselor, his teachers and other students will not be doing in their public school. The right to such petitioning has long been taken away.

For this little guy who believes that he is a little girl, I pray.