Mentoring girls in the right direction

Natalie Pompilio

is a Philadelphia writer

Cleo Smalls didn't have a mentor growing up. Now, inspired by her two goddaughters, she's not about to let the next generation miss out.

Smalls, 29, has founded a group she called Precise Princess. She and six other women volunteer their time and money to host monthly events for girls ages 4 and up in North Philadelphia. They've held four sessions thus far. One Saturday was a tea party. Another was a trip to an animal shelter. December's meeting featured pillow making and cookie decorating.

It's social, but also educational. The tea party came with lessons about table manners. The shelter trip encouraged community service. The holiday gathering stressed giving to others.

"We try to put a fun spin on education," said Smalls, who grew up in Logan and now lives in Mount Airy. "They need some positive influences, people who want them to succeed."

Smalls could have used such help, particularly when it came time for college. The adults around her were unfamiliar with the application process and couldn't guide her in choosing classes or a major. Still, she got by, graduating with a bachelor's degree from Arcadia University and then starting her own marketing company.

January is National Mentoring Month, and, as President Obama noted in the formal proclamation: "Mentors and caring adults serve as essential sources of inspiration, lifting up young people and positioning them to build the America of tomorrow."

Smalls was inspired by her godchildren, Gabrielle, 5, and Kiersten, 21/2, both daughters of a close childhood friend.

"After I became a godmother to my girls, I recognized the role-model position I would play in their lives," she said. "I wanted to not only have a positive impact on them but on other girls in the community. I wanted to be able to provide resources that I wish I had growing up."

Her reasoning is sound: Last year, the Mentor: National Mentoring Partnership in Boston released a study looking at the effect of informal and formal mentoring. The results weren't surprising. At-risk young people with mentors were more likely to be involved in extracurricular activities, more likely to volunteer in their communities, and more likely to go to college than those who did not have mentors.

But note this: Even children growing up in stable, two-parent households can benefit from a mentor.

"Mentoring, when best deployed, isn't a parental replacement," said David Shapiro, president and CEO of Mentor. "It's another adult having a relationship with a child and helping the child look at the world in a different way. In that case, it's for anybody."

That makes sense to me. As the proud aunt of one nephew and five nieces, I've told their parents, "Don't worry about that whole birth-control thing. When it comes up, I've got you covered." Their response is to shake in horror - the children are ages 1 to 10 - but I think they appreciate it. I mean, who doesn't want someone else to love and cherish their children as though they were their own? (My sister's one caveat: "If you let them get tattoos, I will kill you.")

But whether mentoring is with family or others, Shapiro stresses the importance of training. In February, his organization will launch a local affiliate in partnership with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southeastern Pennsylvania, with the branch offering skills and advice to would-be mentors.

"People seem to think it's just magic. You throw it in the pan and it'll happen organically," he said. "You need support."

Smalls and her crew have no formal training, but their instincts are sound.

"Children need outlets other than their parents. The fact that they continue to come shows they appreciate it and gives us motivation to keep it going," said volunteer Michelle Schofield, 40, a businesswoman and mother of five from Delaware County. "Cleo wants to give back. This is her dream, and I'm here to support her dream."

Smalls advertised the first Precise Princess events via social media and put up signs in the Joseph E. Coleman Northwest Regional Library on West Chelten Avenue, where the first three events were held. The girls came, 15 one month, 20 the next.

Precise Princess has its own lingo. The mentors are referred to as "queens," the girls as "princesses." Negative words are not allowed. In one meeting, Smalls heard a group of older girls using the term THOT - slang for "That 'Ho Over There." Smalls stopped that talk.

"They're not even aware there's anything wrong with some of the things they do or say," she said.

Smalls moved last month's gathering to an upstairs room at Calvary Fellowship Church, just north of Temple. She had hoped to accommodate a growing number of girls, but the location change hurt attendance. Still, the 10 children who attended enjoyed themselves. Schofield gave a lesson in writing thank-you notes, telling the tech-savvy girls a handwritten card tops a text or e-mail.

"I think the girls leave every session a little more enlightened," Schofield said.

I've written about mentoring programs many times over the last 20 years, but almost all have been aimed at inner-city boys. With good reason. As Shapiro notes, "We have way more boys without fathers than we have girls without mothers."

So I give Smalls and her team credit for trying to fill a need, and I admire their dedication - even if I'm not on board with the royal titles ("Precise" comes from Smalls' business, Precise Marketing). Still, they're giving time, effort, and money to others, and they have plans to grow. Smalls hopes to host a pageant this year that rewards good report cards. She'd also like to divide the girls up and focus on the issues each age group faces. But to grow, she'll need more help.

"We need to get more people involved," Smalls said. "We want to be there for the girls and all their challenges."