lives and writes in Philadelphia

Please accept my apologies for this column.

Not!

The practice of giving dry, scripted apologies in this country is played out like anorexic models and Republican presidents. Some things cannot and should not be taken back. If you say it, then stick to it, and ride it out like a stallion.

Just this week Sen. John McCain took the apology route after radio host Bill Cunningham attacked the character of Barack Obama while warming up the crowd for a McCain appearance in Ohio. McCain vowed that such attacks at his events "will never happen again." I love, however, that Cunningham didn't apologize and stuck to his guns while showing America that he's nuts. That makes politics funny, and we need that these days.

I was reminded of my disdain for trite public apologies after Aretha Franklin's cheap shot following the Grammy Awards. The Detroit native was offended that Beyoncé introduced Tina Turner as "The Queen" before their spirited performance together. Instead of going into politically correct mode, Beyoncé's father, Matthew Knowles, shot back at the rotund Queen of Soul Food.

"Beyoncé referred to Tina Turner as a 'queen.' Not Queen of Gospel, Queen of Soul, Queen of Blues, Queen of England," he said after the awards show. "I consider my wife a queen and sometimes call her that. Does Aretha have a problem with that?"

Good for him. He could have just as easily been politically correct and made nice with Franklin, but it was refreshing to hear a celebrity express what many of us were thinking. Any 68-year-old woman who can sing "Proud Mary" in high heels alongside a young spitfire like Beyoncé deserves to be called the queen of something, right? Especially if she doesn't look like she inhaled a defensive lineman.

Apologies are so passé - especially when they are insincere and given only to save sponsorship or favor with the public. The predictable news release usually kicks off with, "My sincerest, heartfelt apologies go out to every person I have offended for my regrettable . . ."

Yada, yada, yada.

As a society, we have developed an unjustified sense of entitlement to apologies even when the crimes or misdeeds have absolutely nothing to do with us directly. Why does it make us feel so good to hear athletes, entertainers and politicians beg for our forgiveness and squirm under the intense media spotlight? How many of us will honestly be affected by the actions or words of Michael Vick and Don Imus?

Long after the public spectacle dies down and we move on with our lives, it is the guilty's family and closest confidantes who have to deal with their actions. They are the ones who truly deserve a sincere "sorry."

And it should be delivered from the perpetrator to the victim directly, not by way of a news conference.

"This whole rash of apologies in recent years is ridiculous," said Dyana Williams, a media coach to athletes and entertainers, including Allen Iverson, Usher, Faith Evans and dancing phenom Chris Brown.

"I advise my clients to think carefully before they speak so they won't be in a position where they have to make a retraction. Stand by your statements and accept the consequences or rewards of those statements. You have to be firm in what you believe and stand your ground," Williams said.

Why do folks make foolish attempts to apologize for how they feel deep down in their guts? When former NBA star Tim Hardaway said he hated gay people on the eve of the NBA's 2007 All-Star Weekend, there was nothing more to be said.

The same is true for Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman, whose son recorded a phone conversation last year in which Dog showed the entire planet how much of a trashy racist he is.

"We live in a culture of instant gratification - so, equally, when a public figure offends us we want instant redress," said Bruce Rush, president and CEO of the Marketing Store Inc. "When we are betrayed by someone who has a public platform, we want to see them repent in whatever way is appropriate. And from an image point of view they are compelled to backtrack on their comments so as to minimize any damage to their business or public interest."

When you make a deliberate statement, however, you have to be a soldier and defend your position. We would get so much more accomplished if we could really say what we meant without fear of offending the masses.

Can we agree to make 2008 the beginning of an era where we put less energy into apologies and focus more on stepping on toes?

Don't apologize if you think Aretha Franklin has the arms of a Biggest Loser contestant. Don't apologize if you think John McCain looks too old and sickly to make it through two presidential terms.

And certainly don't apologize if you think that no one seems to care that we are living through the genocide of young black men in Philadelphia and beyond.

And for the record, I did not breathe a sigh of relief when New Jersey expressed its "profound regret" for slavery. It wasn't an absolutely bad thing that it acknowledged having more than 12,000 slaves at one point, but this symbolic gesture was pointless, in my eyes. We should spend more time addressing the slavery of low expectations that exists in the minds of the descendants of those slaves.

If anything, we all should be apologizing for apologizing so much.