Cheeseburger, I Hold

Restaurant Critic Craig LaBan sings the praises of the region's best burgers

While researching the best burgers in the region, restaurant critic Craig LaBan was moved to song. Here are the lyrics. Band and production credits are at the bottom of the page..

Cheeseburger, I Hold

Copyright © 2007 by Craig LaBan


Truffles fall like snowflakes, on my plate

Sparkling crystal goblets always brim with wine

I can eat anything that I want, ’cause it’s my job

I’m a hungry man for hire.

And still, nothing sets my soul to sizzle

Like a fresh-ground patty on the grill…




Cheeseburger, I hold

Mischief heart of liquid bleu

Cheeseburger, I hold

You melt into mine


All my life, I’ve been a burger chaser

That perfect simple sandwich shouldn’t be so hard to find

But how many times have I been sorry, after just one bite

To find a fraud between the buns

The patty smashers! (No juice! No juice!)

The topping fools! (Pile the pink tomatoes on!)

The fast food stand-ins for good old school

So when the grinder’s gift hears that charcoal song

Lay your best Roquefort and crisp bacon on!




I remember: Krazy Jim’s Blimpy Burgers, Mo’s in Frisco, In-N-Out

Barclay’s sliders, Rouge’s biggies, on the Boardwalk I love Brown’s

Burger Heaven in Manhattan , Tommy’s Westwood chile bombs

Midnight snacks at the Camellia, in the Quarter Port of Call

But then the Good Dog Bar turned my patties inside out

So when I took a bite, love came rushing out.



- Craig LaBan


Copyright© 2007




The Band

Craig LaBan - vocals and acoustic guitar

Charlie Patierno - percussion (a.k.a. The Tupperware) (

Ken Pendergast - upright bass (

Ross Bellenoit - electric guitar (



Music produced at O(h)M studio in Conshohocken by Phil Roy ( and Aaron Levinson (

Additional recording and mixing at Sine Studios in Philadelphia by Matt Teacher and Mike Lawson (

Video directed and produced by Chris Jolissaint at ShiftVideo (

Cheeseburger, I Hold
Continue Reading