Your colleague in the next cubicle returns, ashen, from a meeting with human resources. She has been laid off, and she's got to pack up and go.

Your friend, or maybe it's a relative, calls you with the bad news - laid off. Or you hear through the grapevine that your son's Little League coach lost his job and you'll see him tonight at the game.

It can be awkward.

What should you say or do? What should you avoid?

Information may be gained by searching the Internet or asking the advice of several local experts - Bart Ruff of Lederach, who runs a career-transitions support group in the suburbs and has been laid off in the past; Edie Commodaro, a human-resources professional from New Hope, who has laid off many people and recently lost her job; and Marjorie Brody, who owns Brody Professional Development, a business-communications and etiquette consulting firm in Jenkintown.

Here's what was learned:

DO acknowledge the unemployed person's loss and express sympathy: "I heard the news. I'm very sorry."

DON'T pretend nothing happened.

DO give and get a home phone number, then follow up with a call.

DO compliment the individual on some aspect of her work, if you can do it sincerely: "I always remember what a great job you did on that presentation last month at the trade show." Cast into a maelstrom of self-doubt, the unemployed need to know that their skills were valued.

DON'T ignore the unemployed person. Unemployment isn't the measles. Depending on your friendship and the situation, a hug could be useful.

DO spend some time. Isolation is one of the worst side effects of unemployment. Give your friend an opportunity to vent about the job, but also allow him to skip the topic entirely if he wants "normal" conversation.

DON'T act like the layoff is the worst tragedy in the universe, but don't be obnoxiously upbeat, either. Empathy, not pity, is what's needed.

DO ask, "How can I help?" Only ask if you are actually willing to help. Unemployed people have plenty of time to analyze when remarks are insincere.

DON'T rush to offer advice. Take your cue from the person - offer advice when the timing seems right.

DO help your friend make connections. Keep her updated on industry gossip and trends. Let her know about networking opportunities.

DO ask open-ended questions when you see the person casually. It's better to say, "How are you doing?" or "I've been thinking about you" than to ask, "Did you get a job yet?" An open-ended question gives the person the choice of dodging the whole issue or responding with job news.

DO treat your friend to a meal, a movie, or a ball game. Simple pleasures quickly become unaffordable luxuries. The trick is to treat without it feeling like charity.

DON'T give empty reassurances. They can seem hollow.

DO consider a small cheer-up gift, like a gift card to a coffee shop. Commodaro said she appreciated flowers from friends. Be careful. You don't want your friend to avoid you because he can't reciprocate.

Contact staff writer Jane M. Von Bergen at 215-854-2769 or jvonbergen@phillynews.com.