"I just try to take it day by day, but hope to get myself stronger and happier," she said. "The only thing I want and would try to push for is to try and be happy. I don't know if it is possible. I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy. I'm stuck choosing one of the ways, like a teeter-totter, happy or unhappy.

"And I feel guilty if I'm happy. I feel I shouldn't be. I remind myself what happened. It makes me go, 'You shouldn't be happy.' Because I don't have Jasta. Not that I want to be like that. That's just how I feel like I'm going to be."

Last month, Melissa went to Myrtle Beach with the Trommers for a week - as a friend, not a baby-sitter. "I had so much fun just being away," she said. She even went parasailing. Later this month, she's going on a cruise to Alaska with her best friend, Erin Doyle.

Erin knows Melissa can't plan, so she asks Melissa what she'd like to do - and then makes it happen.

The other evening, Melissa was back cleaning the PennDot office. Jen Holtzworth, her job coach, was there helping.

When Melissa started the job, she couldn't remember how to wheel the big bucket of water. Holtzworth would show her - put the mop into the bucket, and use that for leverage to push and steer. But Melissa couldn't remember from one night to the next. This went on for weeks.

On this night, Melissa wheeled the mop and bucket onto the main floor with ease - just as Holtzworth had taught her many times.

"Look," Holtzworth pointed out, "she remembered."

Melissa overheard this comment, turned and smiled.

"She drilled it into my head," Melissa said: "Put it in the water and push!"

at 215-854-5639 or mvitez@phillynews.com.