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Tell Me About It: Granddaughter in boy's clothes needs your love

Question: Our granddaughter's behavior is causing our family great concern and anxiety. She is 8, attends an all-girls school, is very good in studies and tops in tests. She is very athletic and enjoys taking part in only boys' sports, such as martial arts. She likes to wear only boys' clothes and cuts her hair very short like a boy. The only time she wears girls' clothing is for school, a uniform. When we take her to buy clothing, she goes straight to the boys' section.

Question:

Our granddaughter's behavior is causing our family great concern and anxiety. She is 8, attends an all-girls school, is very good in studies and tops in tests. She is very athletic and enjoys taking part in only boys' sports, such as martial arts. She likes to wear only boys' clothes and cuts her hair very short like a boy. The only time she wears girls' clothing is for school, a uniform. When we take her to buy clothing, she goes straight to the boys' section.

Our question is whether she has a problem identifying her gender. Is this common with some girls? Will she outgrow the problem and act like a girl? Are we paranoid over something we should not be worrying about? Please point us in a right direction.

Answer: The "right direction"? Love her.

I have a great concern about your great concern and anxiety, which can do her actual harm where her choices simply won't.

Your granddaughter's gender story is going to write itself the way it wants to no matter what any of you says or does. So, be one of the heroes who banishes expectations and gender assumptions, and instead is loving, kind and supportive of who, and whoever, she is.