It's easy to get swept up in all the talk about it being a new day in America, and in so many ways, we are certainly treading new ground. But shrink things down to a much smaller level - to the size of a married couple - and there are some aspects of life that are further removed from the seismic shifts of a presidential election: Sex, of course. Child-rearing. In-laws. The work-life time crunch.

And then there's money, existing in its own little universe of dysfunction, floating through a relationship like a jellyfish, always with the potential to sting.

The dynamics of household economics are difficult enough when a couple fits the statistical norm - the man and woman both work and he earns more. But flip the coin, making the woman the primary breadwinner, or "head of household" as the statisticians like to call it, and not only can it affect a man's self-image, it can also challenge expectations of how women embrace and handle power.

With more women out-earning their spouses each year - in 2003, the Gallup Organization put the number at about 13 percent of all households, and the 2005 U.S. Census showed about 33 percent of two-earner households were headed by women - it's a situation more families will face.

Heather Powell, 38, of Schwenksville, is a corporate attorney for a pharmaceutical company and the head breadwinner in her family. For a while, hers was the only income while her husband, Dave, 37, cared for their children.

"Having gone through college and going through law school and having a lot of student loans, I would feel a bit like an idiot if I didn't work," said Powell, who stayed home for four months after the birth of each child. "The only thing I worry about is, God forbid, getting laid off - what if something happens and I lose my job?"

Her husband recently reentered the work force after three years as an at-home dad and primary caregiver to their daughters Eleanor, 5, and Maeve, 16 months.

The shifts in earning meant adjustments for both of them.

"When I was earning money, I at least had a say in how the money I earned was being spent or saved or what have you," he said. During that time, he said, "while I made sure my voice was heard and acknowledged, I did defer to Heather on the details," like account balances.

After he "came home" - an endearing phrase he uses to describe his career pause - and Heather went back to work, some attitude adjustment definitely took place, and not just for each other. Dave Powell got a few sideways glances from the mom posse at the playground.

And when Heather Powell went back to work, the reactions of her male coworkers seemed to depend on their age. Once, an older male coworker asked what her husband did for a living. "I said, 'Oh, he's a stay-at-home dad,' and his reaction was 'Oh? Oh! Oh!' He just couldn't put a sentence together," she recounted, laughing. "Most of the guys I work with are like, 'Man, I wish I could get that kind of deal.' "

(Statistics seem to bear that out, with one Gallup survey finding that more than 70 percent of men younger than 50 said they would have no problem with their female partner outearning them.)

For the Powells, the dynamic seems to work. For others, it sometimes doesn't, and the culprit often is resentment. A recent survey by the Web site BettyConfidential.com found that in relationships where the woman earns more, she inevitably begrudges the lower-earning spouse. And although that survey was small, larger-than-life examples abound.

Every time a high-earning female celebrity ditches her lower-paid husband - think Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe, Pink and that motorcycle guy - we hear from a "relationship expert" who tells us some women can't take guys seriously unless they make the money, or that some men can't handle successful women. It's unclear, though, how much that holds true in real life.

"We know that marriages work best when [incomes] are equal," said Laurie A. Rudman, a professor of social psychology at Rutgers University who specializes in exploring gender roles and identity issues.

When it comes to real scientific data, though, a lot is still unknown about how women feel about being primary breadwinners, possibly because it's still fairly uncommon. "What happens when she's making more money than him and she's still doing the second shift" of housework, Rudman asked.

During the time when he was staying home to take care of his newborn son, Jim Doolittle, 35, would proudly sport a sweatshirt with the word KEPT emblazoned across the front. He's back to work now as a free-lance video producer, but his wife, Nadine, an estate lawyer with a Center City firm, is still in the driver's seat when it comes to taking it to the bank.

His having an income relieves some of the pressure that Nadine, also 35, said she felt when she first went back to work.

"It was like, if for some reason I lost my job, we wouldn't have health care. And so you have to be a superstar at work to make sure you have that security," she said.

Now, with both of them working, their relationship merely is a continuation of the mutual compromises and sacrifices the Wynnewood couple have made for each other.

That raises the question: Is the tension that results when a woman earns more than her husband because traditional roles are challenged, or is it just because every primary breadwinner - male or female - feels pressure?

For instance, do same-sex couples face the same challenges? Are Ellen and Portia toting the same money-related baggage as, say, Madonna and Guy Ritchie did?

Tara Orlowski of Northern Liberties said she never aspired to be the head of household, but that's the way things have worked out in the six years she has lived with girlfriend Jessica L. Smith. Orlowski's career in the legal field has gone well, and she now makes about 10 times more than Smith, who works as a tennis instructor and aspiring writer.

"I have to say that I don't particularly relish being the breadwinner," Orlowski said in an e-mail. "I'm proud of my accomplishments, but of course that comes with a price. For me, that price is less time with Jessica and my family, and it takes a toll. I don't resent Jessica for not being the breadwinner. "

In the end, many women said, it's a lot about knowing what "having it all" means for your family, and making sure both partners are OK with it. Mostly, though, it's about knowing yourself.

"There's a lot of societal pressures about what you're supposed to be, and when you don't fit into that, you're always second-guessing yourself," Nadine Doolittle said. "The thing is, I can't ever hang any of that on Jim, because these are the decisions I've made."