Certain of their own action if not the mission

While heading home on leave from Iraq, two Alpha Company soldiers were cheered and applauded as they passed through the Dallas airport.

But the pair had just learned that four of their comrades back in Salahuddin province had been killed in a bomb attack.

"We were in no mood to be greeted as heroes by a bunch of happy people," Sgt. Greg Torricellas of Havertown remembered.

"There were all these people wanting to hug you and kiss you," he said. "There was even one guy who tried to give me a handful of $20 bills."

Torricellas wasn't grateful. He was annoyed.

He pushed away the man's money and told him, "I'm not a waiter."

The incident more than two years ago illustrates the conflicted attitude that many Alpha veterans have about their accomplishments in Iraq.

They feel they did their duty honorably and at a high price: six dead and many more wounded. But as they look at news from Iraq, they wonder what good will come from their sacrifice.

"I can't be a guy watching this on TV; I hate it," said Kevin Welsh, a new father and car salesman from Dallastown, Pa.

"It's just a stupid, pointless war," he said. "But if we pull out, it's going to get worse. . . . I don't think 4,000 [American] lives should be thrown away. You just can't leave the place, not the way it is."

Jonathan Flynn, an electrician's apprentice who has left the Guard and moved to North Carolina, said in an e-mail: "I'm glad I was able to go to Iraq. It would be great if I could say we made a positive impact. But with the current situation, it feels like it might have been a waste."

Some Alpha veterans are more optimistic, including First Sgt. Mark Deutsch of Mohnton, Pa., a 14-year Guard veteran.

"I would like to think we are winning; we are making progress," he said. "But it is not something that is going to happen in a short period of time."

Several Alpha veterans told of receiving generous gestures of appreciation from other Americans for their Iraq service.

Trenton Williams, a senior sergeant from Philadelphia's Feltonville section, said he was given a free weekend at an oceanfront hotel when the owner spotted his military ID and learned he was an Iraq veteran.

Anthony Kelly of Drexel Hill, also a senior sergeant, said a stranger paid a big bill - $1,600 - for a group of Alpha veterans after a night of drinking.

But many veterans said they felt the public's attention waning after nearly five years of war. They said they appreciated the displays of gratitude but would believe they were more sincere if more Americans had a personal stake in the war.

"The average America family really has no contact with somebody who is serving," said Brad Raudenbush, who left the Guard and now has a job in Washington protecting the Supreme Court.

Felipe Renner, a staff sergeant from Philadelphia who was born in Chile, said of the airport greetings: "Well, that's nice."

But, day to day, he said, Americans "turn their heads" from the war.