All right, I'll say it. The trailer for the movie Avatar looks like the biggest, stinking pile of celluloidal yak I've ever seen in my life. Blue people riding on the backs of dragons? Not unless I just inhaled a vat of Wite-Out. (And there goes my shot at appearing in Goodfellas II, if James Cameron is director.) There's only one blue man I want to see in a feature film and that's Tobias Fünke.

What does this have to do with fantasy football? Close to nothing. But the 31/2 minutes of life I wasted watching said trailer - that I'll never get back - was time I could have used to get on the waiver wire and pick up Ryan Moats. Not that it would have mattered. Every Na'vi and his dragon wanted Moats. A three-TD game by an unclaimed player in November is like a cherry starburst raining down from heaven. And that's why this week shall forever be known as the Week Ryan Moats Broke the Waiver Wire.

I can't remember a player in the last 10 years that created such a "Teen Wolf riding on top of Stylez's van" type rush this late into the season. Samkon Gado? Nick Goings? (It's not the comings I'm worried about but the Goings.) Maybe one of the bazillion Broncos running backs to rush for 1,000? (You wouldn't recognize Olandis Gary if he showed up at your door on Halloween wearing an Olandis Gary jersey.) If you're the lucky one who nabbed Moats, I have two pieces of advice: 1.) Trade him. 2.) Now.

Here's my not-so-fearless prediction for the Texans' three-way RB situation: It will drive you crazy. (Note: the fifth image that pops up when you search "crazy"? Gary Busey.) Just claimed Moats? Great. Enjoy Chris Brown getting the goal-line carries. Just benched Steve Slaton? Terrif. Now take a hammer to your occipital lobe while he lines up in the slot and gets all the catches Owen Daniels was getting. This will be painful.

Fact is, there's no way to know for sure who will get the carries this week, next week or the week after. And one 5-for-26 outing and your trade value for Moats è morto. His stock will never be higher than right now.

8-177-2: Maurice Jones-Drew's final stats from last week. If this was a 1980s sitcom, a character named Cockroach or Skippy would spit-take. How can a guy average 20 yards a carry and not get 5, 10, 15 more touchés? But fear not, MoJo owners, the headline of the week comes courtesy of the Florida Time Union:

Del Rio to Garrard: Give ball to Jones-Drew

Fact: Jack Del Rio has ordered David Garrard to hand the ball off to MoJo more. At all costs. No audible-ing out of a run. Ever. It's OK if you want to marry Del Rio. For owners, this is a better headline than Headless Body In Topless Bar. Let's hope this starts a trend in coaches laying down the law. Headlines I'd like to read in the next three weeks:

McCarthy to Offensive Line: Block for Rodgers. Once. Please.

Cable to Russell: Maybe You're Really Lefthanded?

Mangini to Offense: Sorry, I Ate the Playbook.

Week 9

Starters

Quick: who's fifth in the NFL in targets and starting in just 48 percent of leagues? Hint: his name rhymes with Schnate Schnurleson. Vs. the Lions this week. Tell your friends.

Quicker: who's eighth in the NFL in touches and has been an overwhelming disappointment? Give up? Ryan Grant. Prepare to be appointed - for at least one week - vs. the Bucs.

Sitters

Orton/Buckhalter/Moreno vs. Steelers - Three things to avoid in life: 1.) The sushi at the Pittsburgh airport; 2.) any movie sequel in which two is spelled "too" in the title; and 3.) the Steelers' D coming off a bye.

Anquan Boldin vs. Bears - He could catch two touchdowns. He could also catch shingles. (But after all the time he's spent in the training room, I'd bet he'd diagnose it quickly.)

Fearless prediction

Tony Romo for 300 vs. the Eagles without completing a pass to Roy Williams. Williams says he's still the No. 1 receiver. If by No. 1 he means he's a receiver who finishes weeks with a fantasy value totaling one, he's right. Forget to start Roy like Tony forgets to throw to him.

Stupid prediction

You'll pull an upper dorsimus trying to lift points out of the TE position now that Owen Daniels' ACL exploded. Forget it. It's gone. Nobody on the wire brings the points (and posture) like Daniels.

Fearless stupid prediction

Alex Smith for top 5 points this week vs. the Titans' D. It will take some oversized artichokes to start him over Brees, Manning, Brady, Schaub, Rivers, Rodgers, McNabb, Romo, Flacco, Warner - but if you do, you get the keys to the Argyle kingdom.

Reali-ty bites

Raiders, Browns and Rams all on byes this week. If this has any fantasy significance to you, try turning your brain off, then turning it back on again. . . . Take a look at MoJo Drew's schedule and tell me you don't think he's going to rush for 500 in the next three weeks. . . . You give Chris Johnson 22 carries and he'll give you the world. . . . Good thing the Most Interesting Man in the World told us he doesn't always drink beer. I was going to call him on that. . . . Week 9, T-minus soon. . . . Watch openly, fantasize with no regard for humanity.

Tony Reali writes a weekly fantasy football column for The Inquirer. He is the host of "Around the Horn" on ESPN.