Week 8 and the fantasy is half over. Was it half-good for you? Time for the one-time-only Reali-ty of Fantasy Midseason Awards. Just like all other midseason awards only with more Saved by the Bell references. Ready, Zack Attack? Good. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so scared.

The RoF MVP Presented by the Mazda MPV - Matt Schaub. No. 1 on your scorecard, No. 64 in your hearts. That 63 picks could go before him on draft day is somewhat understandable. That he's being started in only 69.5 percent of all ESPN leagues is not. If someone's giving you 300-and-3 every week, you've got to lock that down, Bro Montana.

(Thanks to the good people at Mazda who have no idea they're sponsoring this award. When I was a young boy, my neighbor drove that box on wheels, the MPV. For whatever reason my prepubescent brain couldn't differentiate between MPV and MVP, and I would always mix the two up. This was last week. So now there's an award with both. May the confusion continue.)

The That's a Deal-Breaker Award for Worst Performance by a Leading Man - LaDainian Tomlinson. Chester Taylor, Jerome Harrison, Tashard Choice and Fred Taylor (who's been out for a month!) all have better numbers this year. You used a first-round draft choice on him. That's a deal-breaker, fugazis. And to quote a certain Dracula Musical: "It's getting very hard to believe that things are going to get better."

The Verbal Kint Award for Biggest Surprise - Cedric Benson. If you had him leading the league in rushing through Week 8, you're a liar. Chazz Palminteri just dropped his coffee mug to the floor in slow motion. Benson is Keyser Söze.

The Mortal Kombat Spine-Ripping, Soul-Crushing You-Finished-Me Award - Matt Forte. He's a man, He's 40th(!) in overall points for a running back. Most painful no-show since Mr. Belding's substitute-teaching brother skipped out on the class' whitewater rafting trip to date that flight attendant.

The Jerry Maguire You Complete Me Award - Owen Daniels. A tight end putting up better numbers than all but seven of the wide receivers in the league? That's as ludicrous as a picture of Gary Coleman and Mark Messier.

The Things Are Looking Up Award for Most Upside - Miles Austin. He's averaging 8-210-2 over his last two weeks. If scoring long TDs is cool, consider him Miles Austin.

The Danger, Grave Danger, Is There Any Other Kind of Danger Award for Most Downside - Eli Manning. His stats are going the wrong way (How do we know which way his stats are going?) and his career passer rating in cold temperatures is sub-70. It gets cold in November and December. Is this clear? Crystal.

The Perhaps We've Underestimated His Sneakiness Award - Thomas Jones. 7 weeks, 7 touchdowns. He's a man, he's 30, and he's second overall among RBs in points. As sneaky as a pair of Roos.

The Perhaps We've Overestimated His Fantasy-ness Award - Terrell Owens. He's the 57th-ranked WR. Fiddy-Se7enth! Unless you're in a 29-team league you shouldn't be starting him. If you are in a 29-team league, get a hold of your life.

Best Use of Fantasy by a Supporting Character - Eagles D. Outpointed DeAngelo Williams/Brandon Jacobs/Greg Jennings this year and leads the league in turnovers and sass. (Eagles D >What's Happening's Dee.)

Best New Fantasy in a Featured Role - Ray Rice. Averaging 6 yards a carry and his upcoming schedule should have him scoring more than Zack did when he turned the video yearbook into his personal dating service.

WEEK 8 

Starters

Frank Gore vs. Colts. I endorse Gore on Halloween. I also start Brees on Global Wind Day (Fail. It's in June) and Leaf on Arbor Day. (Epic Fail. He's retired and The Worst.)

David Garrard vs. Titans. He could be JaMarcus Russell for Halloween and still throw for 300 against the Titans' lowercase d.

Sitters

Anyone associated with Rams-Lions. This game smells like three-day-old lamb vindaloo wrapped in a sumo diaper seasoned with Drakkar Noir.

Shonn Greene vs. Dolphins. Your bacne is telling you he's ready to break out. Your gut is still thinking about that vindaloo. Your brain knows he (and the vindaloo) need more seasoning.

Fearless prediction

Michael Crabtree for 100 vs. Indy. Crabtree neither crab nor tree but better than Heyward and/or Bey. 

Stupid prediction

The return to Green Bay you'll tell your grandkids about. You'll always remember where you were when Ryan Longwell scored 25 fantasy points.

Fearless stupid prediction

LaDainian Tomlinson for 0 touchdowns against the Raiders. He's averaging 1.3 yards per carry in the red zone. For his next trick, he'll be tackled by the line of scrimmage.

Reali-ty bites

Best Halloween memory: helmet, jersey, mouthpiece night guard, cast, and limp for my Joe Theismann costume. I was 8 and it went over huge in Staten Island. . . . Second-best Halloween memory: hat, jersey, glove, scowl (made more pronounced by my night guard buck teeth) for Andy Pettitte. This was last year. . . . Over/Under 3 Balloon Boys at your costume party? . . . Over/Over 7 Kate Gosselins? . . . A mention in this space next week for the best sports-themed costume. Send photo to twitter.com/aroundthehorn. . . . Don't eat the candy from the next-door neighbor. Mom says it has staples in it. . . . Week 8, T-minus soon. . . . Trick or treat safely, fantasize ghoulishly. 

Tony Reali writes a weekly fantasy football column for The Inquirer. He is the host of "Around the Horn" on ESPN.