The print media are a rat's nest of celebrity-obsessed hacks who'd rather fill the paper with unverified rumors than real news.

That's the gist of an articulate tirade that George Clooney yesterday unloaded on reporters at the London Film Festival.

George, whose father, Nick Clooney, is a news anchor, said he did understand the plight of newspaper staffers, who have been suffering from staff cuts and competition from other media. "The problem is that there's so little reporting anymore," he said. The viral effects of online reporting, he said, make things worse. "Somebody will write a story, and it will be in 1,800 different outlets from one person's story."

Garth to enter The Vegas Zone

Country-pop megastar Garth Brooks yesterday confirmed long-standing rumors that he was retiring from retirement for an extended engagement in the retirement home of the stars, Las Vegas. Garth, who hung up his guitar in 2000 so he could spend more time with his kids, says he'll mount a show at Wynn Resort.

Kanye v. Swift: A farce

Taylor Swift, 19, will host the Nov. 7 edition of Saturday Night Live. (Will there be a skit about Taylor's run-in with Kanye West at the MTV Video Music Awards? Gee, what do you think?)

"I've been thinking about skit ideas for a long time," says Taylor. "There are definitely some hilarious things that have happened to me over the past couple of months." Taylor says the offer to do SNL is "mind-blowing."

Warning: Item may cause nausea, death

Pennsylvania's finest son, award-winning dad of eight and world-class Lothario Jon Gosselin yesterday vowed he would forever remain in our collective consciousness - and our living rooms. Jon told Entertainment Tonight that he would "continue on television" - whatever it took. How low will he sink for fame? Michael Lohan (another class act!) has invited Jon to join the Celebrity Boxing Federation.

Minnie on motherhood in 'Motherhood'

Minnie Driver (Grosse Pointe Blank, Delirious), tells Entertainment Tonight it was a trip to be pregnant while shooting the pro-motherhood comedy Motherhood. "I was heavily pregnant, so it was pretty intense to be that heavy with child and working," Minnie, 39, said Wednesday at the film's New York premier. Minnie gave birth to Henry Story Driver in September '08. The name of Henry's pa is a secret.

Russell Crowe in minor car accident

Russell Crowe on Wednesday was clipped by a fire truck while he was filming a scene in a van in Pittsburgh. RC, on location for his new film, The Next Three Days, was unhurt.

Shock the monkey . . . farm

Puerto Rican-born thesp Luis Guzmán (Traffic, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3) yesterday released an open letter asking Puerto Rican Gov. Luis Fortuño to stop a company from building a farm in the city of Guayama to breed monkeys for product testing and medical experimentation.

Bioculture, a primate supply company based in the African island nation of Mauritius, plans to take long-tailed macaques from their island habitat and mass-breed them in Puerto Rico.

"I was born in Cayey, which is, as you know, about a 30-minute drive north of Guayama," writes Guzmán, 52, "so this feels rather personal to me." He writes that he backs the "Guayama city council, which has expressed strong opposition to the monkey farm."

Raising awareness . . . with door prize

Martha Stewart yesterday did an Oprah - but on a teeny scale - giving away (just) one new 2010 Ford Taurus to a lucky audience member during the taping of her show. The episode was dedicated to breast-cancer awareness. It is due to air today.