In yet another testament to the preeminence of commerce over law, Scotland Yard waited an entire day before they finally arrested Christian Bale, 34, yesterday in London for allegedly assaulting his 61-year-old mom, Jenny, and 40-year-old sister, Sharon, Sunday night at the Dorchester Hotel. Both women filed a police report against the star on Monday morning, but it seems the police decided to wait instead of ruining Bale's appearance Monday night at the star-studded London premiere of the biggest film in the thesp's career, The Dark Knight.

Bale was arrested yesterday morning after he showed up at a central London station by appointment. The actor, who was interrogated for four hours, denies the allegations. According to a statement from the high-powered London law firm Schillings, Bale was never charged and left the station with the promise that he return in September, pending further inquiries.

A new duo 'At the Movies'

First there were cavemen staring incomprehensibly at the moving shadows projected onto the cave wall.

Then there was a great enlightenment: There came electricity, film, cameras, screens - and best of all, in 1975, Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert began reviewing films on TV.

Coming from rival Chicago newspapers, the two movie critics sparred. They bobbed and weaved, they thrust and they parried, and through it all, we grew to trust them.

Some felt betrayed when, after Siskel passed away in 1999, Siskel & Ebert at the Movies became At the Movies With Ebert & Roeper.

Things got crazy this week when both Ebert and Roeper announced they were leaving the show. But Disney-ABC Domestic Television didn't waste time replacing the critics.

Yesterday the company announced At the Movies will now feature E! News reporter and critic Ben Lyons, 26, and Turner Classic Movies host Ben Mankiewicz, 41.

"It's an awesome responsibility," Mankiewicz told the Associated Press.

"This is the pinnacle of being a film critic," Lyons said.

BSO conductor has cancer surgery

The Boston Symphony Orchestra yesterday announced that a growth on a kidney removed from conductor James Levine was malignant.

But there's no cause for alarm: Doctors say the cancer was caught early and Levine will not need any further treatment.

"Fortunately, because of early detection, it had not spread to the surrounding tissues, blood vessels or lymph nodes. Doctors reported the surgery was completely curative and no further treatment is necessary," the conductor's brother, Tom Levine, said.

James Levine, 65, had the kidney removed because the growth was causing great discomfort. The surgery has forced him to miss the remainder of BSO's Tanglewood season.

Khloe's terrifying ordeal

So you think Jean Valjean suffered? Sure, the hero of Victor Hugo's Les Misérables spent 19 years at hard labor and almost perished. But when it comes to real prison-induced anguish, look no further than C-list celeb Khloe Kardashian. The reality-show star told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show Monday that her three-hour imprisonment at an L.A. jail on Friday was, like, totally gruesome and terrifying. Khloe said her presence caused such an intense upset to the other prisoners, "they put me in solitary confinement."

The 24-year-old girlie girl was terrified when she had to watch an "intense" instructional video about "how to be a good inmate" and to avoid fights and getting a staph infection.

Khloe, who had been sentenced to 30 days in jail on a DUI charge, was released after three hours because of overcrowding in the prison system.

"I'm very happy to have all of this behind me and to have learned a very, very good lesson and to never do it again," Khloe said.

A dashing baby

Tameka Foster says Usher Raymond V, her 7-month-old son with R&B crooner Usher, is one hyperactive little dude.

"He's, like, hyper baby - he's crawling so fast," Foster, 38, tells Usmagazine.com.

"He stands up, and he's walking around the table . . . it's amazing to watch him," Foster, said. "I've never seen a baby crawl so fast! I call him Dash, like on The Incredibles!"

Tameka says motherhood is "wonderful." So much so that she and Usher have been talking about having another baby. "I'd love to have more, we just gotta make the time," she said.

A good recovery

Actor Scott Michael Foster, 23, was busted for DUI at 12:20 Monday morning on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood and was kept in custody until 5 a.m., says the AP.

But the young thesp showed the world he's a go-getter when, upon his release, he rushed back to the set of his ABC show Greek so he could report for work first thing that morning.

"He was very apologetic and grateful that nothing worse happened as a result of his bad decision," an anon source tells E! News.

Foster is due back in court Aug. 11.

Something a little smaller

Candy Spelling, widow of famed TV producer Aaron Spelling, has paid a record $47 mil to buy the top two floors of a residential tower in the Century City section of Los Angeles that is still under construction, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Candy wants to downsize her life by moving from her 123-room, 56,500-square-foot mansion - which happens to be the largest house in Los Angeles County - to a simple lil' penthouse. The apartment is only 16,500 square feet, but pricey: At $47 mil, it translates to $2,848 per square foot. Spelling will have to wait a full year before she can move into her flat.

SJP gets artsy with Bravo

The New York Post says cable station Bravo, which is losing Project Runway to another channel, is on the verge of announcing a brand new, high-concept competition-cum-reality show. Developed by Sarah Jessica Parker, the show will feature aspiring artists who will compete in front of a panel of judges for a top title of "American Artist."

A motivational chat

Willie O'Ree, who broke the NHL's color barrier with the Boston Bruins on Jan. 18, 1958, will speak to kids tomorrow morning at the Laura Sims Skatehouse at Cobbs Creek. It's sponsored by the Recreation Department and Ed Snider Youth Hockey Foundation.

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Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.

This column contains information from Inquirer wire services.