Stuff like:

Our defining '70s film was Rocky. Pittsburgh had The Deer Hunter, half of which was set in a desolate, violent warscape and the other half of which was set in Vietnam.

But we're going to skip that tradition here. We're talking about Pittsburgh, that bridge-happy city on the other side of the state. We're talking about our neighbors. Taking cheap shots at Pittsburgh would be like picking a fight with your favorite cousin.

Think Pittsburgh and you think blue-collar, beer-drinking, salt-of-the-earth folk who are working hard to reinvent themselves in the post-industrial era. That makes you want to hang out with them and compare notes, not insult them.

These aren't Capitals fans, many of whom discovered their team the minute Alexander Ovechkin showed up.

Nor are they Canadiens fans, with their hockey hauteur, looking down their red noses at American fans.

They are Pittsburgh fans - a lot like us, only more polite.

For perspective, let's check in with R.J. Umberger, who grew up in Plum Borough, a few miles from downtown Pittsburgh, and has played in Philadelphia for three seasons.

"It's a great sports town, too," Umberger said yesterday. "I think both cities are. They're both avid and crazy about their sports. One difference is that Pittsburgh has had some success more recently with championships. Philly hasn't had it in a while and they're probably overly anxious.

"Pittsburgh is football first, with hockey really competing right now. There's a lot of love for all the sports. No matter who's playing, the support is unbelievable."

One reason Pittsburgh fans might seem a bit more tolerant of their teams when they don't win: There is an affinity between the community and the franchises that is rare in professional sports.

The Steelers are owned by the Rooneys, one of the last old-fashioned football families left in the NFL. The Penguins have survived only because the most beloved player in franchise history, Mario Lemieux, put together an ownership group and rescued the franchise from bankruptcy. The Pirates have struggled, but are largely accepted as a small-market team trying to survive in the money-driven major leagues.

"With Steeler football, the Rooney ownership is well-known throughout football for the way they treat their players with respect," Umberger said. "What Mario's done with being a player and saving that franchise, and then as an owner - Pittsburgh's a very lucky and fortunate city to have an owner like that."

For some reason, you don't often hear Philadelphia fans express the same warmth toward the local franchise owners.

Come to think of it, one thing that seems to trump Pittsburghers' politeness is the subject of Philadelphia. A couple of columns about games between the Flyers and Penguins this year brought some very edgy e-mails from the left side of the commonwealth.

"Perhaps you might save a little ink for calling into question the classless behavior of the Flyers fans, who are held in revulsion and embarrassment by every other city in the league," wrote one Penguins partisan.

Opined another: "The Flyer's [sic] have always played dirty and it starts with Clark's [sic] mentality. Maybe it's just a coincidence that the league has had it with them, too."

And this: "Once again old time hockey Neanderthals Holmgren and Clarke will find out that talent and toughness beats the cowardly dirty play of a bunch of knuckle-dragging hacks."

Several e-mailers suggested that Philadelphia fans deserve that 25-year championship drought because of their lack of class. There is a curious blend of self-righteousness - the Flyers are thugs! - and aggressiveness - our team can beat up your team! - at work here.

If the Flyers knock someone down, they're Broad Street Bullies throwbacks. If Georges Laraque or Gary Roberts does it, then it's part of the game.

In short, Pittsburghers are sports fans and they root for their teams. They're no worse, and not much better, than fans anywhere else, including Philadelphia. The Penguins lucked into draft position when Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin were available in back-to-back years. That doesn't make them geniuses, and it certainly doesn't make them purer and truer of heart than other teams.

There are knuckle-draggers on both sides. The fans' view of right and wrong depends on which side of the state they're sitting in.

By the end of the series, there will be new grudges and fresh outrages. The referees' integrity will be questioned and the opposing fans will be viewed as no-class thugs. Statewide, rational behavior will be at record lows.

It'll be great.