http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline RSS Feed for Inq Col Lisa Scottoline en-us Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:08:52 GMT http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080824_Truly_an_Olympian_feat__Watching_all_those_games.html I admit it. I've been glued to the Olympics on TV. I watch during dinner as super-fit young bodies tumble, dive and backstroke across my screen, then I wonder why I don't look like that, and take another bite. I'd get the gold medal, if eating were an Olympic event. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080803_Chick_Wit__Raised_on_disaster_alert__but_officially_not_ready_at_all.html I don't know what kind of conversations you had around your dinner table growing up, but ours were generally about disasters. My mother could make a disaster out of anything. Our kitchen was an accident waiting to happen. I reprint below her most important warnings, in case you're sitting in your breakfast nook, blissfully unaware. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080727_Chick_Wit__In_deep_at_the_mall_skin-care_counter.html There are things I won't spend money on and things I will. For example, I spend money on pretentious jackets, pretentious shoes and pretentious handbags. Bottom line, I spend money on pretense, and that's fine with me. I earn the money and I never judge people's spending habits, especially my own. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080720_Chick_Wit__Better_than_a_birthway_wish__and_all_true.html It's the time of year when my mother comes to visit, and high jinks ensue. This time they began as soon as I picked her up at the airport. My brother wasn't able to make the trip with her, so he had ordered a wheelchair to fetch her from the gate. She can walk, but he wanted to make sure she was able to find her way out of Concourse A, and I thought that was a good idea. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080713_Chick_Wit__New_gym_leads_to_harsh_reality__and_pain.html As I get older, I'm figuring out that the reason people talk about their ailments is that they're sharing useful medical information. At least, this is the rationalization that works best for me, because while conversations about cholesterol and lower-back pain used to bore me to tears, now all I want to talk about is cholesterol and lower-back pain. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080629_Chick_Wit__In_a_blinding_flash_came_inspiration.html Recently I had the great thrill of receiving an honorary degree from Drexel University, and so I stayed up all night before drafting a speech for Commencement Day. I tried to write something meaningful and profound, because you can't joke around in a commencement speech. It calls for loftier sentiments, and though I'm not incapable of same, I love to get laughs. So I was aiming for meaningful laughs. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080622_Chick_Wit__In_a_multitask_muddle_of_news_and_spinach.html I give up. I admit it. I flunk multi-tasking. Here's when I figured it out, finally: I was in a hotel room watching MSNBC, as political pundits massaged an endless loop of the same election news. And at the bottom of the screen there were white banners with short phrases, evidently intended to explain the obvious, like OBAMA SPEAKING TO C http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080615_Chick_Wit__Family_spat__or_the_cold_shoulder_in_Miami.html My mother and brother were getting ready to fly from Miami for my daughter's graduation when trouble broke out in paradise. It began when I got a text from my brother, which read: http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080608_Chick_Wit__Those_spoiler_alerts_sure_can_spoil_a_day.html I'm a big fan of information. At least I was, until somebody invented the spoiler alert. I first noticed spoiler alerts on an e-mail list I get about new mystery books. I didn't know what it meant, people writing SPOILER ALERT and then telling the ending to a mystery. I used to read the entire spoiler until I finally figured it out. Nothing like knowing whodunit before you know what they dun. http://www.philly.com/inquirer/columnists/lisa_scottoline/20080601_Chick_Wit__What_graduation_means_to_an_Italian_mom.html My daughter, Francesca, is graduating from college, and I spent the last hour trying to figure out her school's incredibly complicated commencement schedule. According to the Web site, there are three separate commencement exercises, and the main one will be attended by "approximately 32,000 people." The gates open at 6:45 a.m., and not everyone will get a seat, so the Web site advises me to get there in advance.