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Karen Heller: Chestnut Hill's curmudgeon saying farewell
Chestnut Hill is a tidy, pretty, polite community composed of tidy, pretty, polite people. Know what? Ed Feldman is not like that.
Contact staff writer Karen Heller at 215-854-2586 or kheller@phillynews.com. Her columns appear Tuesday and Friday.
He is, according to 75-year resident Tom Fleming, "rude, crude and unattractive."
Feldman, with his gray ponytail and beret, sits in the Chestnut Hill Coffee Co., trashing the owner.
Does Feldman care? No, he does not.
He's lived here 13 years, a burlap sack in a sea of cashmere. For the first seven years, he insists, "I was the model of decorum."
Nobody remembers those years.
Then Feldman, 55, the self-professed "last of the yippies," unleashed havoc on the Chestnut Hill Community Association and its board, on which he served twice. He would yell. He saw corruption everywhere. He loved histrionics, invoking philosophers and the Soviet Union, once kidnapping his own duck. (Don't ask.)
"They stifled dissent. Most of the people here didn't care," he says. "They're a bunch of arrogant and apathetic rich people."
Diplomacy? Not Feldman's strong suit.
On PBS, then cable, Feldman was one of the "Furniture Guys." In Chestnut Hill, he was known as a lot of things, most unprintable.
His letters, so voluminous as to constitute a political manifesto, were a constant, anarchic feature in the Chestnut Hill Local.
"Obviously Ed Feldman has too much time on his hands, a flowery, vivid imagination, and an incredible command of the English language," Lou Aiello wrote.
Another resident argued that "Ed Feldman should not write anything in the Local" because "it is apparent from his hair, dress and demeanor that Feldman takes his orders directly from Comrade Stalin and the Central Committee of the Politburo."
Oh, wait. Feldman wrote that.
Shining town on the hill
In 1996, Feldman moved from Germantown to Chestnut Hill for his daughter. "She liked to hang out here. I got sick of driving. And I liked a small-town atmosphere."Chestnut Hill is a small town. In many ways, it's more Main Line than the Main Line. There have always been dissent and disagreement at community meetings, Fleming says, "but they've been civil."
Feldman doesn't do civil.
"The worst crime you could commit in Chestnut Hill is to be rude and not follow the rules," says Local editor Pete Mazzaccaro. "Ed has no regard for being polite. He interrupts. He's convinced his way is the right way." He's been yelled at more often than a Phillies pitcher on an off night, often by people who never yell.
This is one of Feldman's proudest achievements.
"Look, I'm lazy. If they had held their community meetings at the bottom of the hill, instead of a few yards from my house, I might not have gone," Feldman says. "They held their meetings Thursdays. Seinfeld was off the air. I had nothing else to do. You know why I did this? I couldn't get into Cheney's office."
But here's a news flash: Feldman sold his house and is moving West!
Almost gone, hardly forgotten
"Everybody's happy that he's going to California," Fleming says. "I would be surprised if you can find anyone who supports what he did."That's not quite true. On Germantown Avenue, the central business artery, everyone greets Feldman - blue bloods, graybeards.
"People are split. They love him or hate him," Mazzaccaro says. "There are people who miss him, and there are those who are very happy he's not writing."
Moving to California has been a long-held dream. Feldman bought a place in El Sobrante, north of Berkeley, a sleepy town that doesn't sound remotely like Chestnut Hill. He's fixing up the house, pitching a green-energy show to PBS.
Won't Feldman be bored not playing community agitator when he's 3,000 miles away?
"I get the Local online. I've got free long distance on my cell," he says throwing out his arms. "So what's the problem?"
Contact staff writer Karen Heller at 215-854-2586 or kheller@phillynews.com. Her columns appear Tuesday and Friday.