This weekend I'm headed to Sonoma in California's lush Napa Valley, where I'll join my sister and eight of her best friends on a "transitions retreat." It's slated as a weekend of conversation, reflection, and - thank you, Lord - massage, geared toward helping my big sis figure out where her next source of happiness will come from.

I have to hand it to Denise, who retired after 37 years at the University of California, Berkeley, where she had worked since high school. She's wise enough to know that a sublime foot detox, plus a glass of velvety merlot in paradise, trumps an office sheet cake and a good-luck handshake on the happiness meter any day. At least we'll be off to a good start.

Lest you think this concentrated pursuit of happiness is some new-age, hippy-dippy exercise embraced only by women who don't shave under their arms, check the self-help aisle at your local bookstore. It's full of books that challenge you to find your purpose. To become who you were always meant to be. To just swallow your fear and go for it! Whatever "it" is.

It seems the quest for happiness has become a lucrative industry.

Is it me, or does there also seem to be a direct correlation between attaining happiness and the women who seek it? They're a more mature breed. You know, of a certain age.

Maybe I'm noticing because, yep, I'm already there.

What's interesting is that women 50 and older seem determined to redefine themselves and their happiness with no help from anyone else. I mean, who came up with the lame adage that "50 is the new 30" anyway?

'Got that over with'

What a crock. Who wants to go back to 30? For me, 30 meant changing three kids' diapers, feeling overwhelmed and powerless in my career, neglecting my marriage, changing more diapers. Did I mention I spent my entire 30s pregnant?

Now I'm almost free. Only one child remains at home. I've rediscovered my husband - a satisfying exercise that I highly recommend. There's not a whole lot more to prove career-wise. All that's left to figure out is where my flights of fancy can take me. (Don't worry. I'm not about to take off in a hot-air balloon and tell my kid to go hide in the closet.)

But I do wonder how I can serve, which of my gifts I can share. And I'm not the only one.

"I didn't look forward to turning 50," admits Lisa Hanson, 50, a divorced financial planner of two adult children who lives near the Philadelphia Museum of Art. "But after it happened, it was like, 'Whew, got that over with.' Then it was like this whole dimension opened up to me. I needed to figure out what I could do that would make sense and have an impact."

All over the country, women are asking the same kinds of questions. The answers are coming from the various social networks they've created for themselves.

Hanson belongs to the Philadelphia chapter of the Transition Network, a national community of women 50 and older who, according to its Web site, "help navigate the transition from one career to another - or whatever is next."

"Next" could be as varied as saying "I do" again or learning how to ski in the French Alps. Volunteering. Mentoring. Changing careers. The Transition Network helps midlife women find their support and resources from their peers.

The happiness ahead

The Philadelphia chapter holds monthly meetings and puts together programs and workshops based on the interests of their members. Last month, it hosted what has to be the most novel idea in the city: Speed Dating for Meaningful Volunteering.

"What we've found is that people want to do more community service," says Nancy Leon, TTN Philly's cochair. "We had 15 nonprofits come and present in small groups. It was great fun."

But more than that, Leon says, is the satisfaction that comes from forging relationships with women in similar stages of life. "We talk about film and theater, fitness and nutrition, social and political trends. It's like a book club without a book."

Leon, 55, held a high-stress, high-profile job in high-tech Silicon Valley before remarrying and moving to Philadelphia. Through her work with TTN, she's come to realize that happiness is about how you define it.

"It's one of those things that evolve over time," she says. "One starts to know at this age what makes you feel good. Part of it is having the right relationships and doing things that make you feel valued. It's a very personal thing."

So, the question becomes, just how elusive is attaining happiness? Is it a gem you find, like a pair of sale-priced Louboutins? Or is it a more profound, higher level of enlightenment you ascend to with age?

My sense is that happiness has to do less with looking back with regret, or even looking forward with fear, than with just feeling grateful for where you are right now.

Maybe I'll come back from wine country with a greater understanding of it all.

If not, then surely a case of merlot.

Contact Annette John-Hall at 215-854-4986 or Ajohnhall@phillynews.com. Read past columns: http://go.philly.com/annette