Politico and the Washington Post say CNN anchor John King, the upright, square-jawed good-looker who made his name with the "magic map" - that big-screen thingie where you move your fingers around and it gets bigger or goes over there - is taking over for Lou Dobbs at the 7 p.m. slot. Dobbs pole-axed the world Wednesday night, when he verrrry dramatically announced his resignation right on the air. Dobbs was cut loose from his contract by an evidently relieved CNN. King's a good reporter, and "SideShow" hopes he does great.

Meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow

Query to Sharon Osbourne: What did Susan Boyle ever do to you? Sharon is Ozzy Osbourne's wife-person, and Susan is famous as the Scots-lady-with-a-beautiful-voice who lost this year's Britain's Got Talent, but is cleaning up with hit CDs and corporate warbling. Last week, Sharon was on the Opie & Anthony Show on XM Sirius Satellite Radio, and the girl just backed up her verbal dumptruck and unloaded on the British songbird. She began with this: "She is a lovely lady. You just want to say, 'God bless, and here's a Gillette razor.' " Ai-ai-ai! We at "SideShow" love to hear celebs dishing smack for no reason, but this is ridiculous. Sharon, who as the world knows is the world's most beautiful human being, then called the defenseless Susan an extremely indelicate and repellent thing and suggested someone had hit her with an "ugly stick." Repentant Sharon is now writing on Facebook: "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." "SideShow" wonders whether Susan will now de-friend Sharon.

They shot an Aerosmith into the air

OK, guitarist Joe Perry of Aerosmith just seems like he's, like, totally out of the loop. First, he tells the world that lead singer Steven Tyler has left the band, or at least Perry assumed so, and then Tuesday night, at a concert in NYC, Tyler joined Perry for a rendition of "Walk This Way" and announced he is not leaving the band. Perry had, like, no idea about nuffin': "There was all this commotion during our encore break, and somebody said, 'Steven is here.' And I was like, 'What?' " And we are, like, yeah? And Rolling Stone is, like, this band is so messed up, six ways from Sunday. So Tyler is leaving but he's not, and Perry thinks he's left, but maybe he doesn't. Walk, like, what way?

Stars do nice things, too!

Just ask Lucy Liu and Sandra Bullock. Liu, in Cairo to promote Redlight, the docu she coproduced and narrated on the sale of children into sexual slavery in Cambodia, says the fight against the world sex trade will not be won easily. Liu, attending the Cairo International Film Festival, praised several UNICEF projects in Egypt, whose first lady, Suzanne Mubarak, has become a leader in the effort to end sexual servitude. Redlight tells the true story of girls sold to Cambodian brothels.

Sandra Bullock will tread the red carpet in New Orleans next week for a special premiere of her latest film, The Blind Side. She just bought a home in Le Grand Facile, and now she's hosting the premiere with Warner Bros. to raise money for a N.O. high school flooded by Hurricane Katrina. Bullock has donated hundreds of thous to Warren Easton High School for scholarships, band uniforms, auditorium renovations, and a new health clinic. The movie is the true story of a poor teenager taken in by a family and recruited by a major college to play football. Also in it is country guy Tim McGraw, a Delhi, La., native.

I'm here; don't ask me a thing

She'll show you, you nasty, old, relentlessly inappropriate Larry King, you. She being Carrie Prejean, former Miss California. She has slapped King around before, canceling appearances on his CNN show and such, but Wednesday night evidently was the camel that broke the starlet's beak, because she up and told King his questions were "inappropriate" and walked out. (Pssst: Don't tell nobody, but Larry King loves stuff like that. Good for ratings.) Prejean yakked about her new book and praised her moral godmother, Sarah Palin (Carrie says she's "Palinized"). But then King had to step in it. He asked Prejean, as if he didn't already know, how come she dropped a big lawsuit (answer, which she refused to give: "Well, there's this sex tape of me. . . ."). Then he took a caller who said he was a gay man and wanted wedding advice, hilariously enough, since Prejean is famously against gay marriage. She just removed her microphone, pouted, King segued to a commercial, and . . . bye, Carrie.

Aging male stars rekindle cowboy magic

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is a beloved, time-honored film widely considered among the best ever made. So what do we do? That's right: Remake! John Travolta and Tom Cruise say they're really excited about redoing perfection. Poor Paul Newman, writhing in his blue-eyes grave, and teetotaler Robert Redford, driven to drink somewhere in Utah! Travolta says that when he heard the idea, "I said to Tom, 'It's not a terrible rumor, it's not a bad idea.' " Correction, Saturday Night Fever Guy: This is the worst idea since the reverse version of Titanic, where the boat pops out of the Arctic waters. Cruise, it's said, wants to play Sundance. Travolta looked goofy enough on a motorcycle in Hogs . . . please, not him on a horse.

Two stars fulfill reproductive imperative

Yay, fertility! Ashley Jensen, of Accidentally on Purpose, and her actor mate Terence Beesley successfully passed on their genetic material! They are now the beautiful parents of beautiful Francis Jonathan Beesley, who arrived Oct. 20. Jensen gets everything: an Emmy nom, roles on Ugly Betty and Extras. AJ and TB say they'll call the baby Frankie Jack.

Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com. This column contains information from Inquirer wire services.