According to recent reports, the Republican Party in South Jersey would like the longtime Eagles lineman to run against U.S. Rep. John Adler.

This is exactly what the country needs.

Another dirty player in Congress.

Mr. Spit Goes to Washington.

Apparently, the GOP approached Runyan after its first choice, Randall "Tex" Cobb, withdrew his name from consideration.

Though Runyan has yet to give his assent, early speculation indicates that should he decide to run, his first debate with Adler likely would be a steel-cage match in Bricktown.

Asked by reporters whether he considered himself a moderate or conservative, Runyan kicked the questioner in the groin.

It's believed Runyan, once named the NFL's second-dirtiest player, would run on a platform that favors looser gun control, fiscal restraint and crab fries.

Runyan himself acknowledged that as a hairy, 6-foot-7, 330-pound bruiser whose syntax and speaking voice bring to mind Frankenstein's monster, he may need a little polishing before heading out on the campaign trial.

"Liberal bad," he said, when asked to enunciate a political philosophy. "Me good."

New Jersey Republicans anticipate that Runyan would be a formidable ally in the nation's capital, someone who would be capable of body-slamming Nancy Pelosi without incurring a roughing-the-speaker penalty.

The ex-Eagle is not a complete political novice. While a student at the University of Michigan in the early 1990s, he was president of a prestigious campus organization, the Ann Arbor Chapter of Young Americans for Spearing.

Runyan may declare his intentions at Chickie's & Pete's, where it's expected he will eye-gouge Gov. Rendell during next week's taping of Eagles Fans on Parole.

Uh-oh

Rosenhaus, as we all know, is as oily as Chase Utley's hair gel.

How long will it be before he and Jackson are holding news conferences in the player's driveway?

Empty red seats

I've seen larger gatherings of hoops fans on Ted Silary's Facebook page.

The attendance was listed at 10,205, but that figure clearly had as much relationship to reality as Darren Daulton.

Girl gone wild

During a recent game with BYU, Lambert kicked, tripped, punched and ponytail-pulled her opponents in what had to be the most aggressive assault on Mormons since the audience rioted during a 1976 taping of the Donny and Marie show.

NASCAR note of the week

"Performance doesn't equal personality," said David Grant, a founding principal of Velocity Sports & Entertainment. "Jimmie's not a redneck, he's not a freak, he's not controversial, he's not a jerk."

NASCAR, the only sport where freaky, outspoken, jerky rednecks are beloved.

Bids are bets

So if you want to identify future Hall of Famers, just look at the prices current players' signatures bring.

Hunt Auctions this week will be selling the workout jerseys worn by the players on this year's all-star teams.

Derek Jeter's and Albert Pujols' have the highest estimated prices, between $1,000 and $1,500.

The next three – all of which are expected to fetch between $750 and $1,000 – belong to Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Mariano Rivera.