Why run in the middle of the pack when you can be 50th? The commonwealth may finally get table games, just as the industry implodes.

We're rich in natural gas, but behind everyone in taxing an industry projected to gush jobs and revenue.

The state with the largest and most expensive full-time legislature was last in the nation to pass a budget. Cause and effect? While legislators dithered, ailing social services went into financial comas.

Our politicians have become so accustomed to serving lobbyists and big donors, like natural gas companies, they've forgotten that they were elected to pass laws and budgets. Or create additional revenue.

Less, you want less? Pennsylvania turns out to be the least-stimulated place in the country!

The state ranks 50th in creating new jobs from the $787 billion federal stimulus program, according to a government report released last week: 12 positions for every 10,000 workers. More total jobs were created in tiny Connecticut.

Consider far-flung and frozen North Dakota. Even with the nation's lowest unemployment rate of 4.2 percent, that state boasts a new job-creation rate three times that of Pennsylvania, which has 8.8 percent unemployment.

The stimulus money was supposed to be manna from heaven. Instead, it has revealed the divine incompetence in City Hall.

No one's minding the recovery. Philadelphia applied for $310 million and was approved for $157 million, but so far has received only $13.6 million.

What has it spent? Only $700,000, A-Rod's salary for five games.

Administrators have been so busy worrying and cutting that they've done a lousy job of collecting and spending.

The trick to life is expectation management. The reason many of us are consistently disappointed is that we expect too much. Anticipate the first-game World Series Phils, and your hopes will be dashed by some guys who semi-resemble a team, one that considers guarding third base an afterthought.

Of course, people expect far more of athletes than their government. Folks, low expectations have brought us to this moment. When you don't expect much of anything but from your sports teams, you'll never be disappointed. But you get the government you deserve. You're rewarded with a septic tank of hackery, more of the undistinguished same. At least now, we can brag about the ignominy of being last.