PhillyTalk: Ask the Writers and Experts

ADear DB:
 
The best response to this rather clueless dad is to look admiringly at the photographs, compliment the beauty of his children with enthusiasm, and say “thank you for showing them to me” as you hand them firmly back to him.  If he says, “Oh, these are for you,” respond thus:  “I’m so glad you shared them with me, but wouldn’t you prefer to give them to a grandparent or aunt?  I wouldn’t want them to miss out.”    If he still insists, take the blasted things, thank him,  and toss them when you get home.  If he has sufficient lack of sense to inquire as to the whereabouts of the photos when he visits, you can use either of the following excuses:  “You know what a procrastinator I am.  I’ve lived here 2 years and still have possessions in boxes.”  OR  “My sister would kill me if I posted your kids up and when I don’t even display my own flesh and blood in the form of her children.”
 
And do remember, he is sharing them with you because he obviously has affection for you and is very proud of his children, neither of which is too terrible.
 
Thanks for writing, and don’t forget to visit us at twosocialgraces.com!

AWe love our summer handbags, too.  But  summer handbags  should be retired as close to Labor Day as you can humanly manage--white ones in particular.  You can get away with spring/summer colors (not white) further into September, but by October 1, you absolutely must break out the fall bags.  Trust us, you'll be so happy to see them that it will make the fond farewell to the summer satchels almost painless.    I love my lime green JP Tod's bag, but anticipate a joyful reunion with my red Prada when the time comes.

Make sure you store them in protective dust covers so they are in good shape when May comes along and you break them out again!

ADear Grant,
Glad you asked—never give a ring to your GF unless it is THE ring.  Here are some ideas that any Grace would love:
 
Spa time.  Whether it is a full day of bliss or a single service, this is sure to please.  (Stay away from anti-aging facials).
Kidnap her for a romantic escape.  This can mean jetting off for a weeklong trip to a farflung, exotic locale or an overnight at a local hotel.  Make sure to have the champagne on ice waiting for you upon arrival.
Girlfriend Time.   Arrange a dinner (and pay) for her with her best Gal Pals.  BYOs are an economical option.  (Be sure to have a celebration a deux planned a few days before or after the Girls’ night to avoid her hangover.)
Jewelry in the form of earrings, bracelet or necklace.
30 Gifts.  Yes, we know this will be time consuming, but we promise your effort and expenditure will yield a good return.  Think of one or two big items  (digital camera, cashmere scarf) and lots of small gifties (hand cream, gift cert for manicure, gourmet coffee).
 
Happy Birthday to Her; we hope she knows how lucky she is to have a Grant like you for a BF!  Enjoy the celebration.

ADear Turtle,
You have a two options, and they depend on the culture or your firm and the personality of your boss.  You mention that you are in a major tech firm.  This leads us to believe that there is an in house legal department as well as a human resources department, both of which will have more than a nodding acquaintance with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) which, among other things, protects workers from discrimination.  You would be well within your rights to make a formal complaint with HR.
 
The other option is to deal directly with your boss.  If he is a lech with a sense of humor, this can be as simple as redirecting his gaze toward your face with a “Ron.  Ron.  I’m up here.”   If he is humor challenged, or that approach is not your style, try:  “Ron, I want to make sure we’re both getting this, and eye contact helps me confirm that we are on the same page  Must be all that research I did on humans and technology when I got my PhD.” 
 
Good luck!

AYou are not the personal stylist for every non paying customer on the block.  Next time Polly from next door asks you to style her hair to match her poodle’s for the Dame and Dog Ball, we suggest you choose one of the following strategies:
 
Give the folks who you would be willing to do as a “comp” a gift certificate for your services as a Birthday or Holiday present.  Feel free to include blackout dates, and if you really want to make a point, indicate the dollar value (not a Grace move, but it would certainly send a message.)
Plead work:  “Sorry Polly, I have a paying client tomorrow.  Kim Basinger is in town and it is a really lucrative gig.”
Just say no.  “I’ve made other plans for this weekend and won’t be around.  I hope you and Pooky have a great time at the ball.”
 
Hope it works; this is quite presumptuous and you need not put up with it!

ADear Jennifer,

The Graces favor black for funerals.  If you can’t do black, choose another restrained, darkish color:  charcoal grey, brown, navy or smoky blue.   Prints should be avoided unless they are very subtle.
 
We lament the reduction in formality that our society has experienced across the board—it, among other things, results in fuschia at funerals, white at weddings, and spandex at the office, alas.
 
The best we Graces can do is lead by example.  Keep up the good work!
 

ADear Roma,
Like many things in life, your question is a “maybe.”  If the phone “interview” is preliminary then best not to mention $$ yet  (even though we all know that is everyone’s first question, this restraint is one thing that separates the Graces from the Grunts and just might get you the second interview).  If the interview is a more formalized, conference call with various honchos to determine whether to fly you across the country to meet with the CEO, then you are well along in the process and that question is appropriate.  Best to ask for a salary range as opposed to a specific number.
 
Good Luck; hope you get the job!

ASome people ask this question because they know another fab singleton they'd love for you to meet. Other people ask in the same tone as they might, "Are you contagious?" How you respond probably depends on how they ask. A few suggestions:

"Maybe. Do you know someone I should meet?"
"Happily."
"Shocking, isn't it?"
"Absolutely." (This is what you say when Orlando Bloom or Keira Knightly call.)
"Today? Yup."

We love our husbands, but we think you are very, very clever not to be in a rush. Beyond the fact that there's no hurry, it's hard to run (and impossible to chase toddlers) in Jimmy Choos!

AWe're tickled to know we'll be read in Atlanta. Thanks for taking the time to write!

-The Graces
twosocialgraces.com

AUgh.  The Graces wish that people would distinguish between pot luck and hostess gifts.  Grace K once hosted a cocktail garden party to which a guest brought a gigantic green jello mold laced with canned fruit and marshmallows.  Pause for deep, cleansing breath.   Anyway, here is how to handle this well intended, but misguided gesture:
 
As he hands it to you say,  “Greg, how nice of you!  I already have dessert set up for this evening, but we will savor this tomorrow night.  Thank you so much!”
If serving it is unavoidable (i.e. he ungraciously insists, or he plops it onto your Viennese table unbeknownst to you) make the best of it.  Point out Greg’s offering and make sure you and your co-hosts take small portions and pretend enjoy the concoction.