- Famed pitching lament

CLEARWATER, Fla. - What we remember now as a terse commentary on a lack of pitching depth was once an entire poem. It was written in 1948 by Boston Post sports editor Gerald V. Hern to describe Braves manager Billy Southworth's pitching rotation.

First we'll use Spahn then we'll use Sain

Then an off day followed by rain

Back will come Spahn followed by Sain

And followed we hope by two days of rain.

Charlie Manuel will settle for a similar weather forecast. Spahn and Sain won 39 games between them and the Braves won the pennant. Which means some of the other lads did some winning, as well. The seed of the idea may have been planted on Sept. 6, when Spahn and Sain pitched and won both ends of a doubleheader. They staged an encore on Sept. 11 and had back-to-back wins on Sept. 14-15. Four dates, six wins.

By the way . . . A doubleheader was when teams played two nine-inning games for one price of admission. Some were makeups of rained-out games, but most twinbills, as they were called, were scheduled. Honest to God. I'm not making this up. Two for the price of one. The Braves played 22 of them in 1948. The National League record for most doubleheaders in a single season is held by your Phillies. During the exceptionally rainy summer of 1943, the 90-loss Phils of managers Bucky Harris and Fred Fitzsimmons played 43 doubleheaders.

Brett and Cole and dig a hole.

I was in contact with Charlie Manuel a couple of weeks after the Rockies had crumbled all over the Phillies and when the conversation turned to 2008, concern oozed from the manager in gobs. "We'd have a helluva team if we could add some pitchers to go with our position players," he said.

In the ensuing months, general manager Pat Gillick added Astros rehabbing enigma Brad Lidge in a trade that cost Manuel his most versatile bench outfielder, Michael Bourn, but enabled him to return Brett Myers to the top of the rotation, ending last season's rats-in-a-maze, back-end shuffle. On Dec. 20, Gillick concluded the active phase of Operation Armless by signing journeyman free-agent righthander Chad Durbin. Or, as we call him, Hanging Chad.

On his first warmup pitch of spring training, with the TV cameras rolling, Lidge caught a spike and did some damage to the meniscus of a right knee that had been surgically repaired after the season. So, the closer who swung to his first press conference on crutches was soon briefly back on them following a procedure in Philly aimed at repairing what was described as minor damage. One newspaper quoted Lidge and rehabbing free agent Kris Benson as blaming the condition of the Rich Ashburn Field mound on the setbacks suffered by both pitchers. "Bleeping pitchers got to blame something when they go horsebleep, don't they?" growled special adviser Dallas Green, whose role appears to have been reduced to talking monument.

Brett, Cole and Jamie. Two wins and a maybe.

Next time I communicated with Charlie, the Phillies' negotiations with free agent Aaron Rowand were winding down. It was more and more apparent that baseball's Evel Knievel would follow the money rather than a sure road back to the postseason. Once Rowand signed with the wretched San Francisco Giants it became trendy for revisionist historians to opine that clubhouse leadership is overrated and/or that the Phillies have more than enough leadership in Jimmy Rollins (a chirper), Chase Utley (an exemplar) and Ryan Howard (an awe-inspirer with a great smile). But none can send a message with a single death-stare or call somebody out with finger-in-the chest emphasis. Rowand was that guy.

Charlie was not taking it well.

"Woe is me. We're losing a vocal leader in our centerfielder - a guy who hit .300 with 27 homers and played a steady defense. Check out our roster online and look at our pitching and our outfield situation. Not to mention we don't have a third baseman! We have nobody to trade so the only way to fill our holes is by spending."

Good luck there.

The manager felt a lot better after Gillick signed free-agent third baseman Pedro Feliz on the relative cheap and acquired solid outfielder and longtime Phillies killer Geoff Jenkins to platoon in right with Jayson Werth. Free-agent outfielder So Taguchi is a versatile reserve. Charlie has been able to concentrate on the pitching void.

Kendrick and Eaton and we're takin' a beatin'.

During a winter conversation, I told Charlie perhaps somebody from the organization's high-ceiling trio of Carlos Carrasco, Josh Outman and Joe Savery might step up to become the 2008 Kendrick. However, they were basically awful in early exhibition appearances and were mercifully banished to the Carpenter Complex for more seasoning. I mentioned a college pitcher with the Clearwater Threshers last season, Drew Carpenter, who won 19 games, including two in the Florida State League Championship Series. "Don't know much about him," Charlie said. "Our people say he don't throw that hard."

So that brings us to nonroster Drew Carpenter shutting out a Yankees varsity lineup Wednesday in a mature, four-inning, six-strikeout relief appearance.

Here's a capsule summary of why the Phillies have had the worst pitcher development track record in baseball history:

Carpenter was not put on the 40-man roster despite winning more games than any '07 minor league pitcher. Why? Apparently, Andrew gained too much offseason weight, which raises this question: How did John Kruk ever get invited to spring training? Or Tony Gwynn? Thus, Carpenter was not invited to major league spring training. Thus, Charlie Manuel had to wait until the final Bright House Field exhibition to find out what many already knew: The big guy from Long Beach State really knows how to pitch. Unfortunately, whichever incompetent signed off on this blunder will keep his job. A higher-level incompetent will make sure of that.

Now, here's the irony: The 2007 Paul Owens Award for top minor league pitcher was won by Michael Zagurski, a fat lefthander with the worst body in the organization. When this kid - he's likely headed for Tommy John surgery - made his Phillies debut last season, I was waiting for Walter Matthau to make the pitching change.

Lidge and Flash and brace for a crash. *

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