That's the reality that David Letterman is facing right now. After engaging in workplace pleasures with a number of female staffers from the "Late Show," the fun abruptly ended when, authorities say, some guy from the crime show "48 Hours" found out about Letterman's extracurricular activities and tried to extort $2 million.

I'll avoid the obvious punchline about female staffers' enjoying late nights with David Letterman way more than the rest of us, and the irony of a producer from a true-crime show allegedly trying to pull off a crime of his own.

The truth of the matter is - and men are going to hate me for saying this - David Letterman is just like any man. He's vulnerable. He's imperfect. He's a dog.

Having spent my share of time as the fox in the henhouse, I understand what that means. But my experience with workplace trysts (which I'm still paying for, by the way) taught me a few things. And thanks to those lessons, I have never cheated on my wife.

Lesson No. 1: Never mess around with a woman you're not willing to deal with for the rest of your life.

Lesson No. 2: Don't ignore signs that a woman is crazy just because she's cute.

Lesson No. 3: Nothing pleasurable, especially at work, is free.

Granted, Letterman did exactly the right thing by telling the world what he'd done and having his alleged blackmailer arrested. But that doesn't change the fact that he was wrong to engage in sexual dalliances at work while involved in a 23-year relationship that led to marriage in March of this year.

His mea culpa doesn't erase the fact that it was unprofessional to have affairs with his subordinates. His admittance doesn't wipe away the fact that he was foolish to think no one would catch him in the age of smart phones, Twitter and TMZ.

As bad as it looks, though, Letterman's viewers will forgive him. We've all made mistakes, after all, and Dave's sexual habits don't really affect us. His wife's forgiveness? That might be harder to earn.

The fact of the matter is, admitting his shortcomings on national television was probably easier than facing his wife. Knowing women like I do, I can guarantee you that she'll be angry for a long time. However, repairing the damage is not impossible. Dave just has to say the right things.

So in the spirit of the bit he made famous on his show, I'd like to offer the top-10 things Letterman can say to his wife to get back into her good graces.

No. 10. Look on the bright side, I'm not John Edwards.

No. 9. I know what you heard on CNN, but that was NOT my butt on the Xerox machine!

No. 8. I did not have sexual relations with that woman . . . just that one, that one and that one.

No. 7. Your morning breath is much better than theirs.

No. 6. Of course you're invited to the office Christmas party, honey. It's just that the staff won't be there.

No. 5. OK, so maybe Worldwide Pants wasn't the best name for my production company, given my tendency to remove mine.

No. 4. You're right. About everything.

No. 3. I think I'm going to take a couple of days off from work.

No. 2. No, that dress does not make you look fat.

And the No. 1 thing David Letterman can say to his wife to make it all better . . .

How about I just give you the $2 million and we call it even?

Solomon Jones' column appears every Saturday. He can be reached at

sj@solomonjones.com