Most women were grateful that I'd put the truth in black and white for everyone to see. Many men agreed with me, too, though a few chided me for letting the womenfolk in on too many secrets. One guy -I suspect he was a temp- called me a cornball who sucks up to women.

But there was one point on which nearly everyone agreed. Getting into a relationship is very much like getting a job, and many times the same rules apply.

To that end, one man told me that women should act like corporate human-relations managers and withhold "benefits" until the 90-day probationary period is up.

Another man told me that it's sometimes impossible for men to know whether they're applying to be a temp or a full-timer, because women change the job description halfway through the interview.

Still another man told me that he was offended at being referred to as an employee. I guess he wasn't up to the job.

There is, of course, a bottom line to all of this. As one astute woman pointed out to me during an online discussion of last week's column, everybody comes to the job interview with their best suit on, and it's only after they're on the job for a while that you get to know who they really are.

Unfortunately, in today's microwave society, we don't often have time to wait for all that, so I've decided to let you know how to spot a temp while they're still dressed in their best job-hunting attire.

Last week, we learned about the men who are temps. This week, we delve into the women.

Fake Fanny

She has fake hair, fake nails and a fake Gucci bag. The only thing that's real about her is her attitude, and it's real funky. In order for her to maintain her fake lifestyle, you'll need another job, which will allow her to fake being at home while she's running around with the next guy. I know it feels real when you're alone in the dark. But I've got two pieces of bad news. One, she's faking it, and two, she's a temp.

Fertile Myrtle

She has five kids by four men and she's not doing anything to better herself. Rather than going to school or working her way up the corporate ladder, she's working her way up to you. I know she's gorgeous and the kids are cute, but if you don't want to be on Maury doing a televised DNA test, face the facts: She's a temp.

The Drama Queen

You take her out to dinner and, within minutes, she's cursing out the waiter. You take her dancing and she picks a fight with another chick who's wearing the same dress - as if the Dollar Store stocked only one. You take her to get a massage in an attempt to calm her down, and she puts the masseuse in a headlock. This woman has watched one reality show too many, and she views every interaction with her fellow human beings as an audition. You need to tell her to save the drama for her mama. Then you need to tell yourself she's a temp.

Mabel the Manipulator

Thanks to her astute observations, you've learned that every bad thing in your relationship is your fault. While informing you of every shortcoming you never knew you had, she's given you a surefire way to fix your relationship and yourself: Do what she tells you. Before she snatches your manhood and frames it over her mantelpiece, do yourself a favor: Send her back to the dude you got her from. After all, you don't really want a full-time position with her. You know why? She's a temp.

Solomon Jones will be doing a panel, a writing workshop and a signing at the Philadelphia International Art Expo's Book Fair from noon to 4 p.m. today at the Liacouras Center, Broad Street and Montgomery Avenue.

Solomon Jones can be reached at

sj@solomonjones.com