Dear Harry: My wife and I are having a huge problem regarding our estate. Since we are well under the estate-tax exemption, we don't have that worry. However, we have a problem with respect to several things regarding our wills. Our lawyer has been advising us to sit down with him and our three children to discuss how we will leave our assets when we're gone. Neither of us wants to do this, but he insists that it is the only way to ensure that there will be no squabbling. He also said that he need not be there. One of our children has had a series of bad hits with her health and with a nasty divorce. We have been helping her along the way, and we want to leave her more than the others, but we don't want to have to justify this to the others. What is your feeling regarding this type of meeting? How about favoring one child?

What Harry says: Wow! The question you are posing hits most people involved with children who have largely unequal assets of their own. In cases where there is unequal distribution, the children on the short end are sometimes so angered that family ties are torn. An open discussion such as your lawyer is proposing sometimes nips the problem before any anger can set in. Sometimes it just makes the problem hit before you're gone. Often, a talk with the children individually accomplishes the same purpose in a less confrontational way. You'll have to judge how best to deal with your own children, but I do prefer a discussion before you leave your money unequally. Remember, you're not asking for permission; you're asking for understanding.

Write Harry Gross c/o the Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130. Harry urges all his readers to give blood - contact the American Red Cross at 800-GIVE LIFE.