Elmer Smith: Balloon-boy hoax just like most others: Full of hot air, a harmless game
I HAD ONE shot, one chance to save this child's life. A flock of ravenous raptors had spotted the frightened boy dangling from the gondola. They swooped in for the kill.
I HAD ONE shot, one chance to save this child's life.
A flock of ravenous raptors had spotted the frightened boy dangling from the gondola. They swooped in for the kill.
If my aim was true the child would live.
If not . . .
I drew a bead on the lead bird and breathed deeply. I squeezed off a well-placed shot.
Got him!
Balloon boy would live to fly again.
I know what you're thinking. But this is no hoax. It's the "Balloon Boy Game," and it is already on the Internet.
You, too, can save little Falcon Heene by clicking onto Balloonboygame.com. Online gamers also may be able to save him from filmmaker Michael Moore and a from a fleet of UFOs as they advance through the different levels of the game.
Two 25-year-old gameboys created this free video game almost before the air had seeped out of the balloon-boy hoax in Colorado last week. Now, maybe they can come up with a game to save Falcon Heene's parents, Richard and Mayumi, from Latimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden.
Alderden, whose jaw is still tight, wants to charge them with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, filing false reports with authorities and attempting to influence a public servant.
They'll laugh that last one right out of court. We all have attempted to influence public servants. Few have succeeded.
The crowning irony of this ridiculous but riveting hoax is that everybody but the Heenes is cashing in. Robert Thomas, 25, of Denver, who worked with the Heenes to market a pseudo-science reality show, was paid by Gawker.com to out them on the Internet.
The gameboys from San Francisco are using their free video game to advertise their Internet start-up called "Hey-zap." Columnists like me are using it to attract readers like you.
But the Heenes face up to six years in the slammer and a $500,000 fine for attempting to parlay their televised hoax into a paid spot on a reality TV show.
Reality TV is what tripped them up. Little Falcon answered honestly when Wolf Blitzer, who filled in as host of the Larry King show, asked Falcon why he hadn't come out when his parents called to him.
"You guys said we were doing it for the show," the boy answered when his mother repeated the question.
That was the first slow leak in their giant Mylar balloon. Later, it was discovered that the family had done a bizarre turn on "Wife Swap," ABC-TV's entry in the reality roundup.
Then came Gawker.com, which is featuring the Thomas tapes, complete with this note allegedly e-mailed to Robert Thomas by Richard Heene:
"How much do you want to bet we could facilitate some sort of media stunt?" the e-mail begins, "It would be the most controversial and widespread UFO news story since Roswell 1947."
Roswell, you mythology mavens can attest, is the one about how the Air Force is hiding a spaceship that it captured in 1947.
Now, of course, the Heenes are on everybody's hit list. A producer who considered doing a deal with Richard Heene for a show depicting Heene as a mad scientist has dropped him like sixth-period physics.
Neighbors are coming out of the woodwork to tell the world that they always knew the Heenes were odd.
And then there is Jim Alderden, who seems to think that the only salve that can relieve his severe chafing is for one or more of the Heenes to go to jail.
I hope he fails. The Heenes are a reflection of their times. Because of the global reach of TV and the Internet, little hoaxes can become international news.
Their children, by all accounts, are well-adjusted and in no imminent danger from the odd but harmless Heenes. The parents should repay the $14,000 for the two helicopters that were used in the search.
But I'd hate to see little Falcon Heene be taken from his parents.
Sheriff Alderden, I hope you're listening. This is my one chance to save this child's life.
Send e-mail to smithel@phillynews.com or call 215-854-2512. For recent columns: