John Baer: Top 10 reasons to pass the Pa. budget on time
WITH APOLOGIES to David Letterman and the staff of CBS' "Late Show," and with the fiscal-year deadline less than a week away, here now (with the help of a few readers) are the Top 10 reasons why Pennsylvania lawmakers should pass the annual budget on time.
10. So the Legislature can call
the Guv's bluff regarding his planned African-safari vacation in August. I mean, come on, can you picture His Edness sleeping in tents, eating sorghum and stalking wildebeest?
9. Because Capitol maintenance workers, many represented by unions, plan to shut off the air conditioning in the building Tuesday and rig House and Senate audio systems to play nothing but the "Looney Tunes" theme until and unless a budget is adopted.
8. Because catering firms within 50 miles of the Capitol will refuse, starting July 1, to bring in those lovely taxpayer-financed lunches, snacks, sodas and dinners for the 253 lawmakers and their 3,150 staffers working day and night on the budget, forcing a vending-machine diet of Lance Nip Chee Crackers and Kit Kat bars.
7. Because, absent a budget, the state museum plans to auction off its signature 18-foot, 3,800-pound cast-bronze statue of William Penn to residents of Montgomery County for use as a grossly pretentious lawn ornament by some high bidder in Lower Merion Township.
6. Because without a budget, and therefore without authority to spend state general-fund money, the Guv plans to put on eBay the Governor's Mansion, the 14 state universities, the turnpike, the desks of retired state workers (and those about to be) and the Susquehanna River.
5. Because without a budget,
House and Senate Republican leaders plan to push legislation requiring the sale of most, if not all, of the state's 2.1 million acres of forestland to 84 Lumber (with amendments offering large discounts in exchange for contributions to GOP campaigns).
4. So that the news hole is open and state Attorney General Tom Corbett can stop stalling and go ahead and charge the Republican lawmakers and staff he's rumored to have teed up in connection with his corruption probe of the Legislature.
3. Because, absent action, Senate GOP leader Joe Scarnati and the Guv could end up on the Capitol plaza in a crouched, leg-stomping sumo-wrestling bout for air on Comcast pay-per-view while dressed in traditional sumo attire. And, let's be honest, nobody wants to see that.
2. Because after June 30 the
Pennsylvania Cable Network plans to stop broadcasting legislative budget debates and instead run continuous-loop speeches of Philly Democratic state Rep. Babette Josephs arguing in favor of same-sex marriage.
And the No. 1 reason the Legislature should pass a budget on time: Any Pennsylvania governor who signs a new budget bill by the fiscal year deadline gets from the Daily News a $100 gift certificate to Dunkin' Donuts (cannot be used toward the purchase of egg-white veggie flatbread sandwiches; offer good through June 30, 2009).
Send e-mail to baerj@phillynews.com.
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