OK, that's a sure-fire way for a successful meal. But heck, half the fun of Thanksgiving is the gratification you feel after the meal is over and everyone is telling you how great it was and how stuffed they are.

Also, there is that Thanksgiving Law stipulating that the chef doesn't clean up after dinner.

Thanksgiving, by the way, is my favorite holiday because it centers on two of my favorite things that happen to start with an "F." (Keep it clean, Natalie!) That's food and football. I'm happy to answer all your questions, and I'm here to help you make the winning play on your Thanksgiving table.

Let's start with purchasing your beautiful turkey. If you buy a bird that weighs one pound for every person you are going to feed, you can feel safe about not running out of meat. Since some of the people you are serving are kids, you will also probably have enough turkey left over for those sandwiches you'll want to have later while you're watching football.

So for you we are talking about buying a turkey that weighs around 20 pounds. If it is frozen, you should allow a good four days to thaw it in the refrigerator.

On to brining and, yes, it's the best way to prepare that holiday bird. The first time I ever heard of brining was around 1993. I dissed the idea as nothing more than a fad and decided that I would prove to myself that it was a silly and unnecessary step.

It was one of the very few times I was wrong (OK, it was one of the many), and I have brined my Thanksgiving turkeys and lots of other things ever since.

As I learned, brining changes the cell structure of the meat so that it holds more moisture as it's cooking. The outcome is a much juicier bird. I use one cup of kosher salt per gallon of water, and submerge the turkey in the brine overnight.

It was either William Shakespeare or William Shatner who said, "To stuff, or not to stuff - that is the question." The answer is . . . not to stuff.

The reason is really simple: Bread does not conduct heat. This means that as your turkey cooks, its natural raw juices flow into the stuffing, but the stuffing is the last thing to cook. By the time the stuffing in the middle of the bird finally cooks enough to make it safe to eat, your poor beautiful turkey is completely overcooked.

So make your stuffing Wednesday night (more time for football). On Thanksgiving, throw it into a very hot oven while your turkey rests before carving, and baste the stuffing with the turkey pan drippings.

You'll wind up with juicy turkey and safely cooked stuffing that tastes like it was cooked inside the bird.

Last question, last answer. How long do you cook the turkey? Until it is done. OK, seriously, a meat thermometer is a great thing to have on turkey day because cooking time varies with the size of the bird.

When the breast reaches around 160 degrees, remove the bird from the oven and let it rest. It doesn't stop cooking just because it is out of the oven.

You can also gauge whether or not a turkey is done by wiggling a leg. If it moves freely, it's generally done.

Natalie, enjoy the recipes, and don't forget to tell the cleaning crew that you will be watching football while they do the dishes. *

THANKSGIVING TURKEY

1 16-17-pound turkey

For the brine:

2 gallons water

2 cups kosher salt

¾ cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1 large onion, halved, cut into 1-inch-wide wedges

1 Granny Smith apple, cut into 1-inch-wide wedges

6 bay leaves, crumbled

7 tablespoons butter, room temperature,

divided

To make the brine, in a stockpot or other large container, combine the water, salt and brown sugar. Add more water if needed. For every extra gallon of water add 1 more cup of salt, but not sugar.

Place the turkey in the pot and make sure it is covered with brine. Store in refrigerator overnight, if the turkey can fit; otherwise, the turkey can be stored outside overnight in a cooler with ice.

If the outside temperature is 38 degrees or below, you can put the container outside by itself. Just make sure the turkey is well covered. In the morning, wash the turkey off. Set rack at lowest position in oven and preheat to 450 degrees. Sprinkle main cavity of the bird with pepper. Place onion wedges, apple wedges and crumbled bay leaves inside.

Starting at neck end, carefully slide hand between skin and breast meat of turkey to loosen skin. Rub 4 tablespoons butter over breast meat under skin.

Place turkey on rack set in large roasting pan. Tuck wing tips under. Tie legs together loosely to hold shape. Rub remaining 3 tablespoons butter over outside of turkey. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. If needed, baste with chicken broth.

Place turkey in oven and roast for 45 minutes, then reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees. Roast turkey 1 hour, basting once with pan drippings. Roast about 1 hour longer (about 2 hours total), until thermometer inserted into thickest part of thigh registers 170 degrees, basting once with pan drippings and covering turkey loosely with foil if browning too quickly. Transfer turkey to platter; cover loosely with foil. Let turkey rest 20 to 30 minutes (its internal temperature will increase 5 to 10 degrees).

TURKEY GRAVY

2 tablespoons butter

2 turkey wings and turkey neck (giblets

optional)

1 medium onion, peeled and finely diced

1 small carrot, peeled and finely diced

2 stalks celery

4 garlic cloves minced

8 cups chicken broth

¾ teaspoon dried thyme

½ teaspoon dried sage

½ teaspoon poultry seasoning

½ teaspoon dried oregano

3 tablespoons cornstarch

1 cup of milk or cream (optional)

Salt and pepper to taste

In a large saucepan over medium-high heat, sauté onions, garlic, carrots and celery for 3 to 5 minutes without browning onions. Add broth, plus wings and neck (and giblets if using). Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer for 1 to 1 hours. Remove neck, wings and giblets (if using), and skim off excess fat on top. Remove cup of the broth and set aside to cool.

Bring the broth in the pan back to a boil. Add the cornstarch to the cooled broth slowly, stirring, then return this to large pan, stirring until gravy reaches desired thickness. Chop up the meat of the wings, neck and giblets (if using). Add meat back to broth. Season with salt and pepper. Add 1 cup of milk or cream if desired.

SAUSAGE AND APRICOT STUFFING

½ pound bulk Italian sausage

4 tablespoons butter

1½ cups chopped yellow onion

2 tablespoons chopped fresh garlic

½ cup chopped celery

¼ cup chopped scallions

5 cups dried bread cubes

1/3 cup dried apricots, roughly chopped

½ cup chopped walnuts

½ teaspoon dried basil

½ teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon dried sage

½ cup chicken stock

Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. In a large skillet, brown the sausage and drain. Add the butter and sauté the onion and garlic for about 5 minutes over medium heat.

Add the celery and sauté for 2 more minutes. In a large bowl, mix the onion mixture with all the remaining ingredients.

Place the stuffing in a well-greased baking dish and bake for 1 hour.

Chef Jim Coleman, corporate chef at Normandy Farm and Blue Bell Country Club, is the author of three cookbooks and is the host of two nationally syndicated cooking shows - "A Chef's Table" on WHYY (91-FM) at noon Saturdays and "Flavors of America," on Channel 12 at 1 p.m. Saturdays and CN8 Monday through Friday, 4:30 p.m.