Amy Schumer does Madonna; NKOTB discourage panties

"GREY," the latest in author E L James' best-selling series that turned millions of readers onto BDSM romantics, debuted.

As with the stylistically (and grammatically) challenged British wordsmith's other novels about billionaire sex bully Christian Grey and confounding virgin heroine Anastasia Steele, the fourth installment challenges the boundaries of one's intimate life - and is unlikely to win a literary award.

This go-round, "Grey" retells the first "Fifty Shades" from Christian's perspective. Spoiler alert: Dude's endless interior monologue reveals him to be exactly the sort of obsessive, violent, egotistic stalker you'd expect from his playroom proclivities.

Ah, love.

For those of you without time to endure "Grey's" 559 cliche-filled pages, you've still got films to see. Leading actor frenemies Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have signed up for sequels.

Actor, bodybuilder, California governor and eminent marital infidel Arnold Schwarzenegger punked a bunch of visitors to Madame Tussad's and pedestrians along along Hollywood Boulevard in L.A. He said the prank was in the name of charity. Coincidentally, it also promoted next week's "Terminator Genisys."

In a "Candid Camera"-style montage, Ahh-nold gets made up, shops for sunglasses and makes a baby cry. Another day in the life.

Comedian Amy Schumer isn't just Temp Tattle's vote for best person to replace host Chris Harrison on "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" while also filling the starring role. (If you saw her cameo with ever-guffawing 'ette Kaitlyn Bristowe this season, you'd understand.)

Schumer also announced she'll open for three Madonna concerts in New York in September.

Now, this is where it stings to be in Philly, where the Queen of Pop comes to town Sept. 24, with no opening act announced, and seats available from $40-$355.

On the plus side: Tickets cost $5 more in NYC.

Model Paulina Gretzky waged a personal attempt to break the Internet by Instagramming a bikini shot of herself just five months after giving birth to Wayne Gretzky's grandson.

Ooo! Said a bajillion onlookers. Lookee what this gal can do with some good genes, great working out and green juice! Another coup for womankind!

Now, let's all go online and fight-comment about it, because there was obviously no work to be done on social justice, mental health care, gun control or any other relevant front yesterday.

Kudos to you, wireless opinion-leavers. You truly make the world a better place.

Cottonelle is a sponsor of the NKOTB (that's New Kids on the Block to everyone except the band itself) "Main Event" tour, in town tonight. The t.p. brand is also supplying Wells Fargo restrooms with CleanRipple, providing "an elevated bathroom experience," and encouraging concert-goers to "Go Commando."

Now. Listen. Although Tempo Tatt doesn't consider herself a Blockhead, she fully hangs tough with fellow fans of Joey McIntrye, Jordan Knight and the rest of boy band nation. She is all for reliving memories and having good, clean fun at any age.

But encouraging thousands of female audience members to go underwear-less could have embarrassing-to-disastrous consequences that go far beyond the plus side of getting shoppers to switch up paper products.

Be careful what you promote, boys to men. And gals: We know our panties were invented for a reason. Use them appropriately.

* Brandi Glanville was fired a la Kim Richards from "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

* "The Maury Show" would like Rachel Dolezal and her parents to come on for a DNA test.

* Fans of NPR news quiz "Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me" are angry the show invited Kim Kardashian on last weekend.

* Former "Nightly News" anchor Brian Williams admitted something we already knew: He lied.

- Daily News wire services

contributed to this report.