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Steve and Mia: Granddaughter caught in tug-of-war

Q: My oldest daughter is in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have tried to help her, but she does not want to be helped. Her boyfriend started using my granddaughter as a way of controlling me, telling my daughter that I cannot see the baby unless

Q: My oldest daughter is in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have tried to help her, but she does not want to be helped. Her boyfriend started using my granddaughter as a way of controlling me, telling my daughter that I cannot see the baby unless I start showing him respect. I can't respect a man who refuses to work or help out around the house. I recently moved to another state and changed jobs. When people ask about my life, I say I have a daughter and a stepson. I never talk about my granddaughter. I want my daughter to know I am here for her when she is ready to change her life, but I will not be manipulated by this man. Am I wrong to deny her existence?

Mia: My suggestion is to be as civil as you can to the bully your daughter is involved with, so you can at least keep communicating with her. It will be hard, but you can do it if you keep in mind that you're helping your daughter free herself. For support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Steve: Pretending you don't have a granddaughter won't make the pain go away. I'm with Mia on this one.

Q: Last fall, I met an much older, attractive woman at work. Mind you, she's in her 60s. Yes, 60s. After our first date, we were intimate and the sparks flew. I assumed we'd be the dark-caramel Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. The sex was great. Although we never went out after that, she spent many evenings at my place. Then our red flags started popping up. Mine were working two part-time gigs and not driving. Hers were that she is still friends with her ex, and that she used her family as an excuse not to go out. She later explained that once in a while she needs her space and cuts everyone off. Another major red flag was that while she was at my place, she'd lie to her family about where she was. Then I friended her niece on Facebook. She was livid, and we got into a semi-heated argument over this and all of our red flags. I saw her once after that and we haven't been together since January. Is it time to move on? Should the cougar be set free?

Steve: To quote the immortal Koko Taylor, "There may be snow on the mountain, but there's a furnace down below." But the furnace will go out with all this lying and jealousy. I suspect she feels a bit embarrassed about this relationship.

Mia: It's one thing to appreciate the sexual maturity of an older woman, but no matter how good she is in bed, a relationship can't be all about her. Your cougar calls the shots and you're left hanging. You know what you need to do. Run, cougar cub, run. Find someone who'll treat you better.