But, hold on, says Levin in a recently filed countersuit. Cage, nephew of director Francis Ford Coppola, was in financial ruin when the CPA joined Team Nic in 2001.

"Coppola [Cage] had already squandered tens of millions of dollars . . . and owed millions of dollars in . . . income taxes, with no funds available to pay the tax debt," the countersuit states, according to TMZ.com.

And how's this for a reality check from your accountant: Levin told the "National Treasure" star that he'd need to earn $30 million a year to maintain his expensive habits.

Take the actor's 2007 splurges, as recounted in Levin's suit: three homes totaling more than $33 million, 22 cars (9 of 'em Rolls Royces), 12 pieces of jewelry and 47 pieces of art.

Not to mention, "huge sums taking his sizable entourage on costly vacations and . . . enormous, Gatsby-scale parties at his residences."

Levi's . . . oh, never mind

We'll be seeing less of Levi Johnston than we thought in that Playgirl photo spread, a magazine spokesman revealed.

The vaguely hunky former hockey player, father to Sarah Palin's grandson, Tripp, "did not go completely full frontal, as was suggested by his camp a few weeks ago," Daniel Nardicio told Us magazine. Nonetheless, the mag "is ecstatic with the footage . . . and viewers are going to be pleased and surprised."

Yes, he used the word "footage," but consider the context and stop thinking what you're thinking.

Ever the tease, Johnston's spokesman, Tank Jones, demurred that "people need to wait. I was on the shoot. I know what was shot."

With or without the full Levi, the December issue of Playgirl will be out this Sunday.

Something for nothing

"I still can't believe it. It's like a real strange, stupid movie."

There's 20-year-old Geisy Arruda's perspective from the eye of a ridiculous storm in Sao Paulo, Brazil, over the short pink dress Arruda wore on her college campus. It caused a semi-riot, forced her to flee the campus - and catapulted her right into an international media frenzy.

A short dress?

Isn't Brazil the home of the wild, annual bacchanale called Carnival? Don't they wear skimpy bikinis there? Really skimpy bikinis?

It all started when a student at Bandeirantes University complimented Arruda on the dress she'd worn because she was attending a party later. Other students joined in, the inevitable cell-phone photo-messaging fire ignited, and soon hundreds of students had gathered, some chanting "Whore! Whore!"

"It was total terror," Arruda recalled of the Oct. 22 incident.

But now the fun has begun.

Interviews with the Associated Press. TV appearances. Magazines wanting her to pose nude. Offers to launch a lingerie line. She's referring all inquiries to her lawyer, of course.

She may not even go back to school, where she was studying tourism. Heck, she's become a tourist attraction herself.

All because of a short pink dress.

It's a strange world.

Nothing for something

So how does Ryan O'Neal feel about being excluded from longtime love Farrah Fawcett's will?

Not bad at all, he said yesterday.

"Farrah's and my relationship was based on a deep love and respect for one another and for our son Redmond," O'Neal said in a statement.

"After discussing how her financial affairs would be handled in the event of her passing, we agreed that our son Redmond would be the primary beneficiary of her estate. These were Farrah's wishes and I am perfectly happy with them."

The actress, who died of cancer at age 62 in June, left $4.5 million to Redmond, and $500,000 each to her nephew, Gregory Walls, and her dad, James Fawcett. She also left $100,000 to an ex-lover, Gregory Lawrence Lott, who's said that he and Farrah had re-ignited their relationship sometime back, though O'Neal kept them apart at the end.

The bitch is back

Hey, that's not an insult - it's the title of one of his songs, OK?

Elton John says that he's on his feet again after being sidelined by flu and an E. coli bacterial infection. The entertainer spoke about his recovery before Monday's annual benefit for the Elton John AIDS Foundation, which honored former President Bill Clinton and Sharon Stone, among others.

"I had a good rest; I didn't expect it," he said, adding: "The worst thing was having to cancel shows. I hate that."

The Elton John AIDS Foundation funds innovative HIV-prevention programs and works to eliminate stigma and discrimination associated with HIV/AIDS.

John said the current economic crisis makes his work harder but that the fight against the disease must continue.

"We are in a bad time economically and everybody's vying for attention," he said. "It's very important that it [AIDS] stays in the forefront of our attention because it's a disease that's not going away. In fact it's really increasing in a lot of areas."

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

Howard Gensler has the day off.