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Joe Sixpack: Munich's Oktoberfest scene

DURING OKTOBERFEST, which begins tomorrow in Munich, it's all about the beer . . . and the glass you drink it from.

Servers carry eight, maybe 10 liters at a time.
Servers carry eight, maybe 10 liters at a time.Read more

DURING OKTOBERFEST, which begins tomorrow in Munich, it's all about the beer . . . and the glass you drink it from.

More than 6 million people will show up at the fairgrounds over the next three weeks and slug down fresh Bavarian beer from huge, heavy mugs. It's a scene that will be repeated in dozens of similar, though decidedly smaller, fall festivals across America.

The iconic glass is a masskrug or simply a mass (rhymes with moss), and it holds a full liter of beer plus a handsome, billowing head. Down two of them, and you've finished off just about a sixpack.

Which is to say, Oktoberfestbier - at least the way it's consumed in Munich - is also about quantity. By the end of the celebration, nearly 7 million liters of Spaten, Hacker-Pschorr, Paulaner, Lowenbrau, Augustiner and Hofbrau will be emptied.

Even in an era of increasingly temperate restraint, it's a joyous, manic scene.

Inside each of the festival's 14 tents, an oompah band pulses the crowd of as many as 10,000. Young, old, drunk, sober, they sing folk tunes, they dance. A deafening roar goes up when the band plays "Hey Baby," even louder for "Country Road."

The song doesn't matter, though, because the refrain is always the same:

Eine mass bitte - one stein, please.

Behind the scenes, a gusher from nonstop spigots fills liter after frothy liter. The glasses, brimming with sloshing foam, are delivered in a mad rush by an army of hustling waitresses. Dressed in stare-inducing dirndl costumes, the women storm into the sea of swaying revelers, carrying eight, maybe 10 liters at a time. (The world record, set by an Australian, is 20.)

No one stands in their way.

The steins hit the table with a jolt; each liter weighs about 4 pounds filled. They slide across the wooden tabletop into eager paws to be quickly raised and clanked in unison:

Zum Wohl! Prost!

A mass is heavy, sure, but only rookies use two hands. (Hint: Don't lift by grasping the handle; instead, tuck your fingers inside the handle against the stein, with your thumb above the handle to steady your grip.)

Hoist it to your face, open wide and come out smiling with a foamy mustache. Wipe it with your sleeve and dive back in.

It goes without saying that no one simply sips from a mass. Its wide mouth was designed for rapid delivery and its sheer girth inspires large gulps.

Chugging contests are not unheard of at Oktoberfest, of course, but the beer seems best suited for washing down dense piles of bratwurst and roast chicken. (For those with a competitive streak, the Guinness Book of World Records credits a Pennsylvania man with chugging a liter of beer in just 1.3 seconds.)

The alcohol content is low enough for long, wet stints. But as the saying goes, one is not enough and two is too many.

It's those who drink three or more who you'll see trying to sneak out the door, their mass tucked under their jackets as a misbegotten souvenir. Each year, security guards confiscate about 200,000 smuggled steins.

For most German beer drinkers, the mass is a proud personal accessory, often decorated with brewery emblems, royal insignia or Bavaria's blue-and-white colors. Some come with a hinged metal lid to keep out the flies.

The finest, costing $200 and more, are hand-painted ceramic.

Fathers pass them down to sons with the understanding that they are to be used, not simply displayed as a dust-collecting antique.

Sentimental? Yes, but Germans are practical, too. That's why most beer halls rent lockers where patrons can store their favorite mass.

After all, who wants to lug that thing all the way home?

'Fest in Philly

You can get a taste of all that fun tomorrow at Philly Oktoberfest '09.

The festival, held at the 23rd Street Armory in Center City, features Spaten, the original Oktoberfestbier, along with more than 25 other fall favorites from Germany and America.

Along with all the splashing beer, there will be German oompah music, folk dancing and a biergarten with food.

This year's fest includes two sessions, from 1-4 p.m. and 6-9 p.m. The festival will also have authentic masskrugs for sale, with proceeds benefiting breast cancer research. Tix are $40 ($75 VIP/$15 designated driver) and are available at www.phillybeerfests.com.

"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears weekly in Big Fat Friday. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.