Kimberly Garrison: A personal journey into - & out of - the Valley of Fatness

ONE DAY last month, personal trainer Damali Mason looked in the mirror and was stunned to realize she didn't recognize the 194-pound woman staring back.

"I used to be a size 6, and now I'm squeezing the heck out of a 12 and pushing up on a 14," she lamented. "I feel ashamed to tell people I'm a personal trainer. I feel like a hypocrite. . . . I've become the fat trainer."

The worst indignity of all? "I have back fat," said Mason.

A bout with breast cancer and a temporary career change, combined with family issues, lured Mason down the path to unfitness. Now she feels like a hairdresser with bad hair, or a bankrupt financial adviser.

And it's all happening as she looks toward her 50th birthday on Feb. 24.

Mason e-mailed me a plea for help a few weeks ago. As of today, she's on the comeback trail.

Mason plans to shed 45 pounds in the next six months, and Daily News readers are invited to follow along as I periodically report on her progress. You can also read her daily journal - and blog along with her - at www.girlfriendslockerroom.com.

Mason's going to do it the old-school way, with calorie reduction and sensible exercise. She has a master's degree in kinesiology and exercise physiology from Temple University, so surely she knows what to do. But she's come to realize that knowing and doing are two different things.

"I used to eat wholesome meals like oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast, a [protein] bar for a snack, sandwich on whole-grain bread, and dinner would be a piece of salmon and salad," Mason recalled. "I would exercise five to six days a week for at least an hour.

"Now I barely go to the gym. I might have pizza for breakfast, or . . . one of those huge sandwiches with four pounds of meat on it," she said.

Here are some of the intimate details of Damali's personal journey into the valley of fatness, and how she plans to get out!

Q: How did this happen to you? I've known you for quite some time, and you have always been fit. And you've been a personal trainer for about 15 years.

A: As a personal trainer, I was in the gym almost 24/7. But when I started working in clinical research about two years ago, it all went to pot. I started working long hours, working weekends and grabbing what I could. I was accustomed to working out in the gym five or six days a week, and I no longer was.

Q: Did you stop working out entirely?

A: Here and there I would get in a workout. I still maintained a gym membership. One week I might work out four days, another maybe two days, and maybe none at all for two weeks. Then I stopped eating properly. Sometimes I would get in the bed with a plate of food.

Q: What prompted you to start eating in bed?

A: I was tired and hungry, so I tried to kill two birds at once.

Q: Was it the job that caused you to change your behaviors?

A: Primarily. Though rewarding, the job is stressful. I also had some personal stressors in my life. I was working with breast-cancer survivors - I am one, too. The study is about strength training, lymphedema and the effects on breast-cancer survivors. I was on the measurement staff. We measured over 300 women. However, the job is over in June, and now I have got to get this weight off.

Q: Do you think that when you resume personal training, you will view your clients differently?

A: I will. I will be more empathetic, compassionate, patient and better able to advise them.

Q: So your experience has taught you compassion and empathy. What else have you learned?

A: The challenge of managing psychological stress. Some of the psychological stresses in my life caused me to fall into this cycle: "Oh well, I'm not going to the gym. Might as well order the pizza. I'll go to the gym next week."

Q: So, you fell into the cliché excuses like, "I'll start tomorrow"?

A: Exactly.

Q: Well, what about your age? You are a grandmother now. Isn't it natural to gain weight as you get older?

A: No, because you can counter that with proper exercise and nutrition. That's another one of those myths.

Q: How does that extra weight feel?

A: Like I'm carrying another person. I have back fat. I never had back fat before. People always admired my back when I wore a bathing suit. Not now. When I walk on the treadmill now, I feel like there are two little people moving up and down on my back.

Q: So you feel burdened?

A: Yes, I do. My knees are also extremely sensitive now, and I was also recently diagnosed with arthritis in my knees.

Q: What's the best thing for the arthritis in your knees?

A: Take off the weight. I need to take off 45 pounds. That's my goal, anyway.

Q: How are we going to do that?

A: Back to working out five to six days a week and drastically change my eating habits. I'm going to hire a personal trainer to help me stay motivated. I want to get back to Damali the trainer - and actually look like a personal trainer.

I was deeply saddened to hear about the death of Philadelphia's first lady of fitness, Morjorie A. Newlin. I first read about the remarkable, then-70-year-old in the early '90s and was inspired by her pursuit of fitness and bodybuilding. She has been a shining example to me that in life there are no limits.

I was deeply saddened to hear about the death of Philadelphia's first lady of fitness, Morjorie A. Newlin. I first read about the remarkable, then-70-year-old in the early '90s and was inspired by her pursuit of fitness and bodybuilding. She has been a shining example to me that in life there are no limits.

When, in 2004, I was given the opportunity to write for the Daily News, I vowed that she would be my first column. From the moment we met, we hit it off. She was a pure delight, and it was an honor to know her. She will remain an inspiration to me and to many others.

There will be a funeral Mass at 10 a.m. Saturday at Holy Cross Church, 154 E. Mt. Airy Ave. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, 1311 Mamaroneck Ave., Suite 310, White Plains, NY 10605. *

Kimberly Garrison is a certified personal trainer and owner of One on One Ultimate Fitness in Philadelphia (www.1on1ultimatefitness.com).

E-mail her at

kimberly@1on1ultimatefitness.com. Her column appears each Thursday in Yo! Chat with her on her Daily News weblog, the Girlfriends' Locker Room, at www.girlfriendslockerroom.com. Her new podcast, "Philly Fitness and Health," is available for download every Thursday at www.philly.com.