They come mostly come from desperate people trying to create the illusion they are liked. How many Friends do you have?

Um, they're not friends. If they meant anything to you, you would have stayed in touch.

The Internet provides more ways to touch people than the Frankford El at rush hour.

One of my friends is Facebook "Friends" with Ashton Kutcher. I have no idea how that happened. Neither does Kutcher.

While Facebook is social, LinkedIn is for business contacts. LinkedIn people want me to fill out a form with my info so they can have it. I must get five requests a day. Yo, lazy and rude: Am I your secretary? You fill out the damn form.

A sample LinkedIn invite from Kelly (I'm withholding her last name) asked me to join her "professional network." I don't know Kelly. Maybe she's a nice person. Maybe she's an escort. Is this how it started for Eliot Spitzer?

As to Twitter, during President Obama's address to Congress, did you see the mopes Tweeting instead of listening? Just before Joe Wilson, the albino Kanye West, interrupted the president's speech, he had Tweeted this: "Happy Labor Day! Wonderful parade at Chapin, many people called out to oppose Obamacare which I assured them would be relayed tomorrow to DC." The man is a stone genius.

I got an e-mail from Frankie (last name withheld) saying she wanted to "follow" me. (Sounds like a stalker.) Frankie, read the damn newspaper. My column's more personal than it should be, and anything else would be excess.

The CB radio of the 21st century, Twitter cannot survive if everyone is doing it. How empty would your life have to be to spend 16 hours a day reading Tweets from twits?

Soon, Twitter will be passed by something even faster, quicker, shorter. Do you follow me? (Wink, wink.)

But I tire of my rant in prose. Let's see how some rhyming goes:

The invitations come without end

From folks who want to call me Friend.

They're strangers (VERY strange, is my sensation)

When they ask for my personal information.

Who are these knaves, fools or jerks

Pulling me toward social networks?

I turn my back, my info I don't send,