I almost cleared the room with my comedy set Wednesday night at the Candidates Comedy Night at Finnigan's Wake.

Attention Vick-O-Rubs: I'm being judgmental again!

But the show is not about me or my feelings (or ability). It's about raising funds for the children with disabilities served by Variety, the Children's Charity. More than 20-grand was raised.

Not begging, just asking, is this funny?:

"Those town halls on health care really got out of hand. One guy got in Arlen Specter's face and kept screaming, HANDS OFF MY MEDICARE!

"It was Jamie Moyer."

That joke died. If you like it, smile. If you don't, e-mail me, calling me racist, elitist, ageist, judgmental and arrogant.

I revealed that co-host Howard Eskin has a very pretty female doctor. He went for his annual checkup last week and she told him he had to stop masturbating.

He asked why.

"Because I am trying to examine you."

OK, that one worked.

While I flopped, a star was born in the person of state Sen. Daylin Leach, which sounds like a bathroom cleaner. He nearly reached the comedic heights set by Joe Conklin.

Leach's delivery is so polished he could be a salesman. People are so touchy about the health-care issue, Leach said, he tries to avoid it and "stick to less awkward topics such as how their divorce is going or how much weight they've gained recently."

Judge Joan Orie Melvin read some Q&A between lawyers and witnesses, adding one from her own experience. Talking to a young woman ready to accept a plea bargain, Melvin asked required questions, such as (I am rephrasing) "Are you drunk, are you stoned, are you awake, can you read?" Then, Melvin asked about education: "How far did you go in high school?"

The woman replied, "All the way. Three times."

Judge Jack Panella played a three-minute video with him as Rocky in gray sweats and red boxing gloves, shot with him running through city streets, like Rocky, with the theme behind him. Highlight? Panella trying to eat a cheesesteak with the gloves on.

Republican controller candidate Al Schmidt did a routine, rather than jokes, with him seeking comedy advice. He called John Dougherty, "the shrewdest political mind in Philadelphia at Local 98," who told him to call Bob Brady, "and whatever he tells you to do - do the opposite."

He then called Brady, who told him, "Whatever John Dougherty told you to do - do the opposite."

Democratic Controller Alan Butkovitz had a Top 10 list of why Michael Nutter wouldn't be a one-term mayor. My favorite was No. 3: "Nutter is determined to be around when [Bill] Green/[Brian]Tierney achieve the role that destiny has assigned to them: Creating a Paperless Philadelphia."

Democratic D.A. candidate Seth Williams, an Army reservist, was called to duty, and state Rep. Tony Payton Jr. sent Seth's apologies. GOP D.A. candidate Michael Untermeyer used some familiar lawyer jokes: "What do you throw drowning lawyers? Their partners."

Fun's fun, but in this column, in addition to thanking the candidates, I also thank the Kal & Lucille Rudman Foundation, the show's corporate sponsor.

A pair of tables was bought by the Daily News and the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers. Single tables were bought by Emerald Capital, Alan Butkovitz, Ron Donatucci, the Philadelphia Federation of Teachers, the Philadelphia Bar Association, Bonnie Squires, Al Schmidt, Susan and Marc Howard, Richard Sand, Club Risque, Allyson Schwartz, Loyal Opposition of Philadelphia, Michael Untermeyer, Bob Brady, Marty Weinberg for Obermayer, Judge Jack Panella, and KB Consultants.

Think about ordering your tickets early for next year, when the hot U.S. Senate and gubernatorial races lead the ticket, followed by congressional candidates.

E-mail stubyko@phillynews.com or call 215-854-5977. This column usually appears Mondays and Thursdays. For recent columns:

http://go.philly.com/byko.