BRAD J. GUIGAR / Daily News
Steve and Mia: What to do about 'Uncle Charlie'?
Q: With Thanksgiving coming up, I have a family dilemma. I am the mother of a 14-year-old daughter. Big family gatherings (this year at my mom's) always include my cousin and her husband. My kids call him "Uncle Charlie." Uncle Charlie has what I consider an unhealthy fascination with my daughter. He is always putting her on his lap, cornering her in conversation, smoothing her hair, etc. I have spoken to my daughter about this, but she says, "Oh, Mom, don't be silly. He's never done anything improper." She seems to enjoy his attention. I am deathly afraid that one day he will push it too far. This makes holidays a high-stress time for me. I constantly check on my daughter to make sure she is not alone with him. I am seriously considering saying something to my cousin (his wife), but I don't want to create a family fight. Advice?
Steve:
It sounds a bit creepy to me, but you need to trust your daughter a bit on this one. Since
you've shared your concerns with her - and presumably have given her a good sex education - she's smart enough to alert you if he goes too far. Make it clear to her that she should be wary of him and never go anywhere alone with him. But unless and until he touches your daughter in a way he shouldn't, I see no gain in telling your cousin. She'd likely be defensive and angry.
Mia: The next time Uncle Charlie pulls your daughter onto his lap, cause a big commotion. Announce loudly, "Amanda! You are way too big to be sitting on Uncle Charlie's lap like a baby. Get down right now, young lady. Come into the kitchen and help us peel these potatoes." Make sure she follows you into the kitchen. Do the same thing if you notice Uncle Charlie touching your daughter's hair. "Charles! What are you doing? Amanda, get a brush and fix your hair."
Q: Why is it that people (although I mean women . . . but I'll be nice) say one thing and mean another, or totally ignore another person's wishes? Example - if I say I'm interested in dating only and not looking for a relationship, why would she agree to date me if she was looking for more? She hopes you'll change your mind. She's thinking that once you get to know her, you'll fall so madly in love that you will beg her to be in a committed relationship. It happens all the time. Consider it a compliment.
Mia:
Steve: Mia's right, of course, but I hasten to add, in the words of the immortal Chinese detective Charlie Chan, "Wishful thinking sometimes leads to blind alley."
