Q: Is there such a thing as domestic abuse of a husband? Six times in the three years we've been married my wife has struck me. She has a terrible temper. She breaks dishes, throws them at me and hits me with her fists. I am bigger and stronger and able to fend her off. I have never hit her back. These rages are most often provoked by jealousy. I have many women friends, but I have been true to my wife. She refuses to get anger-management counseling and says her outbursts are hormonal. She says she loves me and seems genuinely sorry after these attacks. But I am worried she may hurt me or, worse, that I will have to hurt her in self-defense.

Mia:

Are you afraid of her? I ask because if you expect to have any respect for yourself, you're going to have to man up. You don't do that by fighting back physically, but you are going to have to teach this Mike Tyson wannabe that you won't stand for her using you as a punching bag.

Adopt a zero-tolerance attitude about violence in your home. Get her into counseling, and you should get counseling, too. If she strikes you again, call the police. Don't be proud. You won't be the first man who needed help with an out-of-control wife.

Steve: According to a study published in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine, 30 percent of domestic-abuse cases involve battered men. You mention jealousy, one of the classic elements in an abusive relationship, the others being emotional abuse and attempts to isolate a spouse from friends and family. Domestic abuse requires immediate action. If your spouse will not seek help, you must leave immediately.

Q: I dread the holidays because it means I have to be with my mother-in-law, a mean, domineering woman who has been really rude to me in the past about my cooking. She never liked me. I think it's because I'm of another race and already had a baby when I met my husband. We had a confrontation once where she accused me of not appreciating her son. I need help dealing with her. It's causing problems in my marriage. If you can't get along with her, then you should make like Casper the Friendly Ghost and - poof! - disappear. When she comes to town, you get outta town. Or become very, very busy.

Mia:

Steve: Heavy drinking usually gets me through family holidays, but that's not a good solution for everyone. I like Mia's idea of making yourself scarce. You should also enlist your husband's aid here. I think a word or two from him to his mom might encourage her to be a bit more respectful.