IT'S EVERY woman's nightmare.

No one wants to think she's living the ultimate life only to find out it's all a lie.

No wife wants to wake up one day and discover that while they're raising the kids, and holding it down in other ways, that the man she pledged her life to is parasailing with a 20-year-old waitress or skipping off to Argentina so he can do the horizontal tango with his mistress.

It's the ultimate betrayal many people fear even if they would never admit it to their closest girlfriends.

That's why the talons come out and some of us get so sanctimonious when we talk about the tragic end of Steve McNair's life, possibly at the hands of his 20-year-old lover, Sahel Kazemi. We go, "humph. I guess he messed with the wrong one." Or else we point out, "He got what he had coming."

At this point, though, we don't know really the whole story behind what happened with the former football great. Authorities are still investigating his death and that of his lover whose body was found at his feet in the condominium where they used to meet. Yesterday, the incident was ruled a murder-suicide. Kazemi reportedly was concerned about finances and feared McNair may have been seeing another woman on the side.

And what we've heard about South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford has been mostly one-sided. His Argentine mistress hasn't yet come forward to give her side of their steamy love affair. All we have are the romantic e-mails they sent back and forth. Meanwhile, Sanford says he wants to fall back in love with his wife, Jenny. She's willing to give him another chance - despite the public humiliation and scorn she's endured by sticking by him.

There has been lots of debate as to whether she should just dump the louse. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? But it's awfully easy to pass judgment on what someone else should do with their life.

Mechelle McNair, hopefully, will eventually rebuild hers and also help her four children do the same. Same thing for Jenny Sanford and her four sons, whose dad has set such a poor example for how men are supposed to act.

As for the governor, I don't give a damn about the emotional torment he may be going through over the loss of his Argentine girlfriend. Because what the Republican governor conveniently forgot is that when you cheat on your wife, you also cheat on your children and I haven't met a child yet that deserves that kind of treatment.

A real man thinks of who he could hurt before he goes flying off to other countries to consort with paramours or acts on what some people claim is only a man's natural instinct to stray with whatever hottie happens to be serving up the burgers and fries. It's not all about what matters in the moment.

If you ask me, it all comes down to character. That's what keeps you from doing something on the sly that you'd never dream of doing when the whole world is watching. Too bad that seems to be in such short supply these days. *