NOBODY really thought that dividing up Michael Jackson's estate was going to be simple, did they?

His parents, Katherine and Joe, believe that Michael died without a valid will.

TMZ.com, however, reports that Michael's attorney, John Branca, has a will signed by Michael that he intends to file within 30 days.

Meanwhile, Katherine yesterday asked an L.A. Superior Court judge to name her administrator of his estate so that she can ensure that his three children are its beneficiaries.

The court documents state that Katherine "intends to marshal assets of the decedent for the exclusive use of the decedent's three children - her grandchildren - after payment of debts and expenses of administration."

Watch the expenses, kids, watch the expenses.

Earlier yesterday, Superior Court Judge Mitchell Beckloff granted Katherine's request to assume temporary guardianship of Michael's kids - at age 79, Katherine's going to be busy.

Beckloff scheduled hearings for Monday and Aug. 3 to take up the matters, including whether to also approve a request by Katherine to become permanent guardian of Prince Michael I, Paris and Prince Michael II (aka Blanket).

Since the family wasn't big on communication, it's not surprising that Michael never told anyone about who was to handle his business affairs, a person close to the family told the Associated Press. This person said that the family had been told by Michael's phalanx of sycophants and hangers-on that if he did have a will, it may be many years old.

In her request to take over the children's estate, Katherine listed its value as "unknown."

"Minor children are currently residing with paternal grandmother," the filing states in an explanation of why she should be appointed guardian. "They have a long established relationship with paternal grandmother and are comfortable in her care."

The declaration states that Deborah Rowe is the mother of Michael's two eldest children but lists her whereabouts as "unknown," even though numerous media outlets, of even the most dubious quality, were able to find her - and she has an attorney, Marta Almli.

According to the declaration, the children have no relationship with Rowe.

For little Blanket, born to a surrogate, yesterday's filing states "None" for the mother, which really would put a new spin on the notion of immaculate conception.

The filings show that family attorney L. Londell McMillan has joined a team of lawyers to coordinate Team Jackson attempts to take control of his affairs. These various cases may soon be employing more lawyers than a newspaper bankruptcy.

"I don't think there will be anybody who thinks that there is someone better" than Katherine Jackson to have custody, McMillan said yesterday on NBC's "Today" show. "She is a very loving host of other grandchildren."

Just wait until Joe gets his hands on them and turns them into a trio. Watch out, Jonas Brothers.

* Michael's funeral is still being planned, but father Joe said that the burial would not be at Neverland Ranch.

At an uncomfortable news conference outside the family compound yesterday, Joe, with the Rev. Al Sharpton standing dutifully by his side, said that the family was carefully considering how best to celebrate (understood by the cynical to mean "monetize") Michael's legacy. He also said that the family was waiting until they had a definitive word on the cause of Michael's death.

* On the curiouser and curiouser front, Dr. Conrad Murray's attorney, Edward Chernoff, spoke yesterday with Suzanne Malveaux on CNN's "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer."

Asked how long it took before Murray made the 9-1-1 call, Chernoff said (emphasis Tattle's), "We're estimating it took about at least 30 minutes before the 9-1-1 call was eventually made. There was a slowdown primarily because there was no phone service in the house. And Dr. Murray did not know precisely the address of the Jackson residence."

Uh, no one had a cell phone?

Asked why Murray had waited to make the call, Chernoff said: "Well, you're asking why a cardiologist and a doctor would be calling for doctors. His first goal was to resuscitate Michael Jackson. He knows what to do to - he knows how to perform CPR. He performed it properly. . . .

"And when he realized in a very short period of time, Suzanne, that he could not resuscitate him, then of course he started looking for ways to get help, by calling 9-1-1."

On whether Murray knew if Michael was using Demerol or Oxycontin, Chernoff said that Michael never told him he was. "If you're asking should he have asked, 'Hey, Michael, just wondering, do you take Demerol or Oxycontin?' He had no reason to suspect that he had. It's not as if it was well-known that that was happening, if it was happening, by the way.

"I mean, let's not rush to judgment here and say that Michael Jackson was a drug addict. We don't know that."

Everyone else close to Michael seemed to know it.

Tattbits

* With all the recent talk about Michael Jackson's lavish lifestyle, there was always someone who had him beat:

Queen Elizabeth II. Buckingham Palace says that public funding for the royal family cost British taxpayers the equivalent of $1.14 each last year.

The Queen's office published her latest accounts yesterday. It showed that the costs incurred by the royals were $68.6 million (not including the cost of security provided by the police and army), up $2.48 million from the previous year.

* In the charitable spirit of "We Are the World," Billboard.com reports that Jon Bon Jovi and exiled Iranian singer Andy Madadian have teamed up to record a new version of Ben E. King's "Stand By Me."

The Internet video is meant to send "a musical message of worldwide solidarity" to the Iranian people in the wake of the country's controversial recent election, according to co-producer Don Was.

Was says that the session last week in L.A. came about because he and Madadian wondered what they could do "just to send out a little message of solidarity, remembering the '60s, believing music can change things."

When they arrived at the studio to record, they found Bon Jovi, guitarist Richie Sambora and producer John Shanks sitting outside having lunch.

"They asked what we were doing," Was said, "and Jon said, 'Look, man, if you do it right now, we'll do it with you.' So we did."

Could be your only chance to hear Bon Jovi sing in Farsi.

"It is not for sale," Was said. "It's intended to be downloaded and shared by the Iranian people. The whole idea was to get it into Iran and tell them . . . to carry on, that the world is watching and we're with you." *

TATTLE'S TUESDAY GIVEAWAY

After so many meals given away over the last few weeks, it’s time for dessert.

All three of Naked Chocolate’s locations have delicious chocolate, yummy cupcakes and baked goods (the “Junk in the Trunk” bars are sinfully delicious), and a wide array of chocolate molds and drinks, but their spacious new Rittenhouse Square location, at 31 S. 18th St., offers a feast of elegant treats: high tea and high chocolate with sweets including baked Alaska, chocolate fondue, cherries jubilee, bananas Foster and crepe suzettes.

Two winners will each receive free dessert for four at Naked Chocolate’s Rittenhouse Square location. To have a chance to win, send an e-mail to tattlecontest@phillynews.com by Thursday at noon with your name, address, phone number AND the words “I’ll keep my clothes on but I love Naked Chocolate.”

Only one entry per e-mail address. The two winners will be picked at random. Good luck.
 

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

Send e-mail to gensleh@phillynews.com.