Huh? If you're in a wheelchair, who sues a millionaire and a multinational company for $25,000?

* The Hollywood Reporter says Cher

has sued Universal Music Group (part of the same company as NBC Universal so we hope they have more than one lawyer), claiming that the label's creative accounting has shortchanged her and the heirs of her late ex-husband Sonny Bono to the tune of $5 million. Isn't it a shame that the most creative execs in music, movies and TV are the accountants?

The suit, filed Tuesday in L.A., claims an audit of UMG's accounting to Cher from 2000 to 2003 showed that UMG execs "engaged in wrongful tactics" designed to hide revenue from two hit compilation albums.

You know who doesn't believe it? UMG spokesperson Peter Lofrumento. "The claims are meritless, and we are confident that we will prevail in court," he said.

Speidi (non)-sense

Here's the trouble with Speidi (aka Spencer Brat and Heidi Something or other), aside from the fact that they have no discernible talents.

They got married. No they didn't. Yes they did. They quit a TV show, the horrid "I'm a Desperate Wannabe . . . Look at Me! Look at Me!" (aka "I'm a Celebrity . . . Get me Out of Here"). No they didn't. Yes they did.

No they didn't? After Tuesday's episode, Spencer said, "Super-celebrities don't belong in the jungle. They belong in Hollywood with the paparazzi." Super-celebrities?

Before the Pratts bolted this fiasco, uber-Christian Stephen Baldwin offered to baptize Spencer, who jumped at the chance since wife Heidi actually says stuff like, "My goal is to be a true disciple of Jesus, a Mother Teresa helping the poor and the hungry." Heidi, do you think Mother Teresa was changing her mind every five minutes? Soon after Speidi fled the jungle, TMZ.com and "Extra" reported that Spencer was begging NBC to let the pair return.

Tattbits

* When "Dancing With the Stars"

champs Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas opened their respective mirrorball trophies after a cross-country trip from New York, each was broken.

Each now will have 10,000 years of bad luck.

* 50 Cent said Tuesday that he never would have bought Mike Tyson's house had he realized it would require millions in repairs and renovations.

50 Cent testified in Hartford Superior Court as part of his suit against a Bloomfield, Conn.-based engineering firm.

He said that his attorneys hired the firm to inspect the 52-room mansion in Farmington, Conn., in 2003, before he bought it from Tyson's ex-wife. The company was to make a visual inspection to determine how much it would cost to repair the roof, decks, driveway, etc.

Their fix-up guesstimate was for about $500,000, but 50 Cent spent about $6 million.

Guess they were a little off.

* Cirque du Soleil founder Guy